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I had a feeling that my column from Thanksgiving week would end out rather short.  I guess the appropriate rejoinder here would be, “OOPS!”  At least the readers will find plenty of entertainment within my rants this go-’round. 

The W Administration announced some pardons this week.  Notably absent from the list are Border Patrol Agents Ramos and Compean, along with former Representative Randy “Duke” Cunningham.   Duke may be a Navy hero (early graduate of Top Gun School and the Navy’s only fighter ace of the Vietnam War), but his corruption and bribery conviction was proper.  Ramos and Compean, on the other hand, were guilty of only one thing…bad marksmanship. 

 Another update from the Religion of Peace.  Muslim fanatics have taken over a maximum security prison in the UK and are forcing other inmates to convert or be severely beaten.  You know your religion is false when you have to threaten people in order to convert them.  Allah the Merciful, my tail section! 

Even more outrageous news regarding muslims and the prisons in the UK comes from “The Sun.”  Seems some of the Followers of the False Prophet didn’t think their food was tasty enough, so the guards have to drive 40 kilometers to get restaurant food to placate them.  I’d be serving them Spam on toast, 3 times per day, 7 days per week, 52 weeks per year.  If they don’t like it, too bad.  They shouldn’t have broken the law and gotten convicted.  (Hope I didn’t upset CAIR again….) 

I’ve even got an update from the folks who demand tolerance, or else!  The liberals who run Hollyweird and their friends who demanded that homosexual marriage become the norm in Californication really do support free speech, as long as it is what they agree with and nothing else.  They are doing everything they can to punish and run out of town those who supported Proposition 8, through words or money.  Protests, blacklistings, boycotts, firings…  It really is amazing how a minority that comprises about 2% of the population (2% everywhere except California, obviously) can force so many to kowtow to them, while demanding that religious organizations get banned. 

I’m liking some Europeans more and more.  Vaclav Klaus is the Czech President, and soon to be the President of the EU.  He has a photo of Lady Thatcher on his desk and calls Algoracle an “apostle of arrogance” for his role in the Glo-Bull Warming scams. 

Bush Derangement Syndrome didn’t end with the election of The Chosen One.  The lefties are still pushing for Red Nanny P-Lousy to IMPEACH BUSH NOW!  I’m still trying to find any high crimes or misdemeanors that he has committed.  It’s not like he committed perjury or anything… 

Just when I thought it was impossible to hate the Filthadelphia Illegals of the NFL any more than I already do, THIS STORY comes along about the team refusing to pay millions of $$ that they legally owe to the city.  Jeffrey Lurie, the Illegals’ owner, is an egotistical scumbuzzard with horrible hair. 

A Russian analyst is predicting the breakup of the USA into 6 parts, with Alaska even going back to Russia since it was only leased to us in the first place.  First of all, Alaska was purchased (finalized 100 years to the day before The Crawfish was hatched), and secondly, Texas and the rest of the South would probably combine into one nation if it were ever to actually happen, with some of the central and mountain states possibly joining them.  Patriotism, food production, non-union workforce, the best of high school/college/pro football, a lack of liberals and Yankees…..I could start to like this idea. 

I can’t help it.  I’ve gotta bring y’all this story.  The MP’s next question, after this exchange, should have been, “Are you a pansy?” 

I don’t know what kind of charges they were able to bring against these guys, because all I see is good old-fashioned capitalism at work.  See the need for a product.  Develop a product that fits the need.  Make money.  No problem! 

Have I mentioned lately that political correctness can be defined thusly:  A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.  Here is a story about a wonderful little tradition involving a couple of elementary schools in the Thanksgiving season, and how political correctness has taken a dump on the kids. 

And it only gets worse from there.  A Canuckian college has removed one disease from their charity fundraising events because the disease affects mostly WHITE MEN and we all know that they must deserve it….. 

You simply will not believe what a church in London is doing with Christmas carols this year.  Then again, seeing how the UK is in the process of surrendering to Islam, maybe you will. 

The nations of the world are starting to spend less on Glo-Bull Warming programs.  Maybe it is because the people are starting to take note that man-made Glo-Bull Warming is nothing more than a MYTH! 

I know that the Americans With Disabilities Act was made, like so many liberal programs, with good intentions, but it is one of the most abused laws in American history.  Now there’s a case of someone suing under this act because of a co-worker’s perfume!  I kid you not.  Evidently, nasal irritation is considered a disability that must be kowtowed to. 

How many folks actually believed that MSNBC was NOT biased during the election cycle?  Well, one of their main people is considering running for the Senate in 2010 so his obvious bias might have just been sucking up for support from a certain party.  You scratch my back…. 

The intolerant mob is still going after anyone who had the nerve to oppose the radical agenda of the 2% minority who is trying to force their will and superiority upon anybody who actually believes in moral conduct and Judeo-Christian values.  The limp-wristers and their fellow left-wingnuts in the left-wingnut-filled city of Austin, TX, have now published a blacklist of companies that are to be boycotted because either the company or someone who works for the company gave money in support of Californication Prop. 8. 

Just when you thought you had heard every possible moronic statement, a new one pops up like this one from Ted Turner on “Meet The Press” this past Sunday.  “And the KGB, I think, was an honorable place to work. And it, it gave people in the former Soviet Union, a communist country, an opportunity to do something important and worthwhile.”  Folks, I simply can’t make this stuff up!  For those who don’t know the history of the KGB, Gunny G has a history lesson.  This comes at a time in which Vlad “The Impaler” Putin is making all sorts of old KGB/Checka records Top Secret again, including covering up massacres from the Reign of Stalin. 

Speaking of the Soviet Union, it appears that the print press in Connecticut will now be run in a manner similar to the old Pravda and Isvestia in the USSR. 

Ya know, to my silly way of thinking, any athlete who plays for a college or university team should be qualified to be a student of the school in the first place, and should receive no special athletes-only assistance with school work that isn’t available to the rest of the student body.  Of course, the University of Illinois-Champagne believes otherwise. 

Yes, The Crawfish drinks beer! 

My final story of the week doesn’t have any links.  NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress (what kind of friggin’ name is Plaxico???) is in a bit o’trouble.  He accidentally shot himself early Saturday morning at a NY nightclub.  He doesn’t have a concealed carry permit in NY, so he’s facing a MINIMUM of 3.5 years, according to recent statements by Mayor Bloomingidiot.  Some things stick out about this story:

a) Why did he feel the need to carry a pistol with him?

b) If you feel the need to pack heat at a club, why go there in the first place?  Being fully armed shouldn’t be a necessity to hang with your homies.

c) The club has metal detectors, but allowed him to go in with his weapon because he’s a star athlete.  Why does that allow him to break the laws?

d) The club helped cover-up the incident by putting the gun back in Burress’ car after he left and painted over the blood stains on the floor.  Why???????

e) Burress spent 45 minutes on the phone deciding which hospital to go to, and talked the hospital into violating the law by not reporting a gunshot wound when they treated him.  Why would a hospital agree to break the law for him?

f) Reports are that he is going to enter a plea of NOT GUILTY to weapon charges.  If The Crawfish was the judge, I’d give him an extra 5 years on his sentence for being so arrogant and stupid to make that plea and make us sit through and pay for a trial. 

If y’all come across any weird/stoooopid/strange news stories that might be fodder for The Weekly Claw, e-mail them to me at at1aw_usn@yahoo.com and I’ll consider ‘em.  Yes, I will give you newshounds credit.

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