The Weekend Claw 6-26-09

This week the US and the world lost one half of one of the greatest comedy duos of all time. Ed McMahon was much more than the sidekick to Johnny Carson, commercial pitchman, and television host. He was also one from the generation of stars who actually served their nation, in his case as a Marine fighter pilot during WW2 and Korea, instead of denigrating the military and our nation. Rest in peace, Marine. Your service and your entertainment will be long remembered.

The Crawfish calls on all conservatives to BOYCOTT all malls owned by Simon Property Group. The Atlanta Tea Party organization, which had one of the biggest Tax Day events, had a great event scheduled for July 4th, on private property owned by Macy’s, but at the last minute Simon Property Group pulled the plug on the event, citing “reciprocal property easement agreements.” This was done late in the game with the purpose of not giving the Tea Party group enough time to find another suitable location, effectively scuttling what would have been possibly the biggest Tea Party event yet. Simon, whose owners are HEAVY Democrat supporters, evidently used articles posted in blogs to justify their actions. The Crawfish wonders why a company that owns malls would be so stoooopid as to support Democrats, when Democrat economic actions are sure to kill the economy, which is already showing in fewer customers at all malls. BOYCOTT SIMON PROPERTY GROUP!

Here we go with another attack on the American people by the Democratic Party. Queen of the House Red Nanny P-Lousy is trying to bring the cap-and-trade legislation to the floor of the House on Friday for a vote, when as Representative Kay Granger (R-TX) reports, it was still being written behind closed doors on Wednesday, was over 1,200 pages long already, and had not been reviewed by any House committees. So much for transparency in government. This bill would raise the average household electric bill by over $100 per month, and would wreck the economy even more than the Obama/P-Lousy team has already done.

Some Democrats had scheduled The Prophet Algoracle to come to DC and speak out in favor of the cap-and-tax bill, but it seems that Queen of the House Red Nanny P-Lousy doesn’t want the gasbag anywhere near the debate. It seems that Algore’s popularity isn’t what he believes it to be.

Townhall occasional blogger and commenter “Flame” came up with a GREAT name for a PAC to go along with my American Tradition Party. The long form is: Conservative Organization Dedicated to Eradicating Socialism, Totalitarianism, Incrementalism, in our Nation’s Knowledge! The acronym is: CODE STINK! We’ll toss all sorts of “land mines” into the punchbowls of the current political parties.

I’m not saying that there are double standards in how the media covers politicians, but…

How does the government waste our money? The answer of course is “in too many ways to count!” Here’s a NEW way to waste $550,000,000.00 that we don’t have. Let’s build a laboratory over 6,000 feet below the Black Hills of South Dakota with the purpose being to try to figure out whether or not “dark matter” really does exist or is just a theory in the minds of a few folks who have watched too many sci-fi flicks. “Scientists believe most of the dark matter in the universe contains no atoms and does not interact with ordinary matter through electromagnetic forces. They are trying to discover exactly what it is, how much exists and what effect it may have on the future of the universe.” In other words, this is a $550,000,000.00 episode of “Mythbusters” that won’t even be entertaining, much less informative.

John “Self-inflicted and non-existent wounds for Purple Hearts” Kerry-Heinz stepped in it once again. When word came out that South Carolina Governor Sanford was missing, he asked why it couldn’t have been Sarah Palin that went missing. Classy. When will the state of Taxachusetts start electing people who have SOME maturity, SOME morality, and SOME respect for the Constitution, instead of people like Kerry, Bawney Fwank (D-Gay Bars), and Teddythedrunk (D-Chappaquiddick)?

Okay, I guess I’ve got to make some obligatory comments regarding Governor Sanford since he is such a big story this week. First of all, if he had cheated on his taxes instead of on his wife, he’d be in line for a Cabinet nomination next week. Secondly, The Crawfish thought Sanford was a fiscal conservative, but which makes more fiscal sense? Flying all the way to Argentina to get some, or driving down to visit the multitude of hotties in Myrtle Beach and keeping the money in his own state? Who does he think he is, having sexual affairs while in office? FDRBill Clinton? Teddythedrunk? John Kennedy?

Michael Jackson is dead. The Crawfish sees this as no big loss, and actually good news for young children everywhere. It actually is horrible news for the Obama economic team, as 45 paparazzi and 83 gossip columnists just became unemployed. Too bad that he had to go on the same day as Farrah Fawcett, depriving her of her final deserved recognition and headlines.

As long as we’re on the subject of wasteful spending by a government entity, did y’all hear about the $65,000,000.00+ PER YEAR waste of taxpayer money in Noo Yawk City? It seems that over 700 public school UNION TEACHERS are being paid their FULL SALARY for doing absolutely nothing. They have committed, or are under suspicion of committing, numerous offenses both minor and major, but because they are UNION MEMBERS it is impossible to fire them, so they sit around and do whatever they want to do every day.

Taxachusetts has another way to waste money, in this case over $2,000,000.00 per month, as they put families up in hotels if they are too lazy to get jobs to support themselves.

You didn’t think that success would go unpunished by the Obama Administration, did you? Over the past decade or so, charter schools, most of which are definitely non-union, have shown themselves to be much better at actually educating kids than their regular public school counterparts. That cannot be allowed, so the teachers unions are pushing, with the assistance of SecEd Duncan, to have a greater role in charter schools. Let’s see…unions are the biggest problem in public schools, so let’s give the charter schools to them. It only makes sense if your goals are to indoctrinate kids, instead of educating them, and to raise another generation or two that is completely dependent upon government and will therefore always vote for the Democratic or Socialist (same thing) Parties.

The Crawfish fully expected retribution against the members of the Iranian national soccer team for their wearing of green armbands in support of the opposition to the Mad Mullahs and I’minajihad during a recent World Cup qualification match. Four players were told that they were immediately “retired,” ending not only their international careers but their regular league careers as well. This includes a player who became a national hero for scoring a goal that eliminated the USA from the World Cup in 1998. I’m actually surprised that those players haven’t been shot.

The Crawfish received this story link from a friend on Facebook. If it is true, then the American media has been looking at the wrong Iranian opposition leader as the next possible head of their government. Of course, since we ARE talking about a bunch of guys who have already held some power since 1979, we’re not talking about necessarily America-friendly or Israel-friendly types. Still, almost anything would be better than the Mad Mullahs running things now.

News out of Tehran’s Tuesday afternoon protests showed a major crack in the clerical leadership, as some mullahs were seen joining in with the protests while wearing their robes and turbans. Unfortunately, by Thursday evening it appears that the opposition protests have mostly been broken by the security forces and the clerics are stating that the protest organizers will be dealt with “strongly and with cruelty.” (Are the people who had kittens over the fraternity-style hijinks in Abu Ghraib gonna say anything about this???)  Other clerics have called the rioters “mohareb” which means “one who wages war against God.” So the Mad Mullahs now believe themselves and their boy I’minajihad to be God. The penalty under Islamic law for being a mohareb is, of course, execution.

If you still believe that muslims are something other than savages, then you ought to read this article.  I wonder if I have CAIR’s panties in a twist yet.

To quote Achmed the Dead Terrorist, “Holy Crrrap!” A Saudi prince, governor of the “holy city” of Mecca (why does Islam seem to have a thousand “holy cities”???), says that girls and women SHOULD be able to participate in sports. This is sure to get him severely reprimanded by the clerics who police the day-to-day activities of all in the Saudi kingdom.

WE CALLED IT! Lots of us on the conservative side said that the questions Obama gets are sometimes set up by the Administration, and now we have proof. The Chosen One started His presser by noting the presence of someone from The Huffington Post, and even telegraphed what the HuffPo “reporter” was going to ask. Later it was admitted that the HuffPo “reporter” was indeed working with the Administration and that the premise of the question was indeed pre-arranged.

Congratulations to the United States men’s national soccer team, for their 2-0 win over Spain in the semi-finals of the FIFA Confederations Cup. Spain, ranked number one in the world, had won 15 straight (an international soccer record), were undefeated in their last 35 games, and had not given up a single goal in over 5 games. In spite of questionable refereeing, with many offsides calls being made when the American player was onside by a step or two and a red card being issued to Mike Bradley for a foul that was at most a yellow card offense, the Americans withstood furious attacks by the Spaniards, but goalkeeper Tim Howard and his defenders kept a clean sheet.

Kevin of The Black Sphere has a wonderfully put together column today about how racist white Democrats are using groups like ACORN to keep black America enslaved, while using the black vote to keep racist Democrats in power. Of course, if The Crawfish said this stuff, I’d be shouted down as being a racist right wing extremist.

HOLY COW! Representative John Conyers (D-Michigan) is admitting that his planned probe into ACORN was scuttled by “the powers that be.” Yes, a powerful Democrat is flat out stating that Queen of the House Red Nanny P-Lousy and her cohorts are covering up federal crimes.

Democrats just can’t help themselves. Do they actually think the American people will never figure out how the credit collapse actually happened? Evidently so, as Bawney Fwank (D-the gay bars of Taxachusetts) is requesting that Fannie and Freddie relax mortgage lending rules AGAIN!

All I’ve got to say regarding this little dispute is that the Census should NOT be counting anybody who is not a citizen in the first place.

The Democrats in Congress and His Majesty King Barack I are pushing hard for healthcare reform to give coverage to all of those folks who don’t have healthcare coverage now (most of whom are financially secure and can pay their own bills, are young and healthy so they don’t feel the need for coverage, are illegals and should be immediately deported, or are only uninsured for a couple of months while in between jobs). What you won’t hear in the mainstream press is how micHELLe Obama was part of a scheme at a Chicago area hospital to dump uninsured patients, and the Obamas got David Axelrod to be their point man in dealing with the media and public on this issue.

Here’s the headline from the Obamacare infomercial on the All Barack Channel: “Ration Care To Old People, Who Cares If They Die?” Yes, The Chosen One wants to end quality health care in America, but it is the liberals who still claim that conservatives want to kill the elderly.

If you want to help fight climate change, don’t worry about the scientific facts that climate change is driven by solar activity. Stay nekkid instead! The Crawfish hopes all of the beautiful hard-bodied women out there take that advice! (SLAP!…from Mrs. Crawfish)

If y’all come across any weird/stoooopid/strange news stories that might be fodder for The Weekly Claw or The Weekend Claw, e-mail them to me at and I’ll consider ‘em. Yes, I will give you newshounds credit.

“If the people let government decide what foods they eat and what medicines they take, their bodies will soon be in as sorry a state as are the souls of those who live under tyranny.”
Thomas Jefferson

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