Okay, so you are all wondering what happened to the 6-8-2011 edition of The Weekly Claw. Well, The Crawfish screwed up in the home swamp and Mrs. Crawfish “challenged” me to not touch the home computer for 5 days. When I returned to the ‘puter, I had to spend a day dealing with tech support because of a Windows activation problem, followed by over 80 Windows updates. I even had to leave for work while dealing with HP support and Mrs. Crawfish finished the fixes. Now believe it or not, I DID throw out about 15 other paragraphs from my draft, and yet still ended up with this monstrosity. Must have been a wild two weeks!
A)I know a lot of you don’t give a damn about sports, but indulge me for just a moment as I revel in the first NBA championship for my hometown Dallas Mavericks. If just about any other major city (Miami, Detroit, El Lay, Filthadelphia…) had won the title, there would have been hundreds of arrests, downtown store windows shattered, looting, cars (some of them belonging to the local gendarmes) set afire, and such, but the people of Dallas celebrated the right way. There were only 14 arrests reported by the Dallas Police Department on Sunday night (6 public intoxication, 4 disorderly conduct, and 4 outstanding warrants), which is fewer than on a regular Friday night. Congrats to Dirk, JKidd, JET, Shawn, Tyson, JJ, DeShawn, The Custodian, Peja, Ian, Brendan, Corey, Roddy B, Caron, Coach Rick, and the rest of Mark Cuban’s guys…and a BIG RASPBERRY TO LEBRON!!!!!!!!!
B) Here is some truly sad news for aviation enthusiasts like The Crawfish. Another irreplaceable treasure gone forever. At least everyone got out safely.
C) Since the Eurofighter Typhoon is the main competition to the F-35 in the international sales market right now, this story could be very good news to Lockheed Martin Aeronautics, and thousands of workers in The Crawfish’s hometown of Fort Worth, TX.
D) Barack Obama just spat in the face of the Brits yet again, just a week after visiting London and praising our “special relationship” with the UK. Now he is siding with Argentina, Nicaragua, and Venezuela in signing on to a document at the Organization of American States meeting that demands Britain enter negotiations with Argentina over the future of the Falkland Islands. The draft resolution even calls the islands the “Malvinas”, which is the Argentinean name, instead of “Falklands”, indicating which nation the signatory nations believe to have proper right of ownership of the islands.
E) An Ohio prosecutor had to drop a murder case against an illegal alien because he wasn’t given proper Miranda rights by the interpreter before interrogation. The simple fix to this is to only give Miranda rights in English unless the person being interrogated is a foreigner who is in this country legally. Illegals and those who refuse to assimilate into OUR culture had best keep to the straight and narrow.
F) Of course, we have a hard time stopping the illegals from entering our nation when Democrats are in charge. Not only do they resist actual border enforcement, but they also put envirowacko regulations in place to prevent the Border Patrol from doing the job when the Administration gives them the go-ahead. Thankfully, there are some in Congress who are working to end that bovine excrement.
G) Only about 4000 people attended this year’s May Day event in El Lay, which was co-sponsored by Obama’s favorite thugs in the SEIU. Besides the SEIU, the other major groups represented were the Communist Party, teachers unions, La Raza, the Brown Berets, and the self-described Queers. La Raza and the Brown Berets were among the groups supporting not only amnesty, but the return of the southwestern states to Mexico. All of these groups had two things in common; they are anti-USA and they are pro-Obama.
H) Why is it that Hispanics in America seem to be passionate and vocal about only one issue, that being support of illegal immigration? You would think that the ones who did the right thing and went through the whole process to come here legally would side with conservatives, who support LEGAL immigration and deportation of ILLEGALS. Meanwhile, as Barack and his Homeland Security Ditz claim the border is secure, we get stories like this one, which prove otherwise.
I)I feel sorry for the woman involved, since she is probably doubly traumatized, but this guy got what he deserved.
J) Take a look at the “reformer” who got an exclusive White House invite. Looks like he fits in perfectly with the King and First Grifter family.
K) How much more out of step with America can this Administration get? Well, I’m glad you asked. The Department of Education, which does suuuuuuuch a wonderful job, held a “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Youth Summit”. First of all, I don’t know any youth who are transgender, since that requires a series of surgeries and is not usually available to non-adults. Secondly, why is this Administration pandering to a group that, until pop culture and the Democratic Party made it coooooool to be part of, made up less than 1% of the American population? The man who runs the Administration for Children and Families (where does the Constitution say we need THAT???) said to the attendees, “of course, we’re also trying to recruit more foster and adoptive parents who are lesbian and gay,” showing the liberal disdain of the REAL American family. These people really do make me want to puke.
L) Europe is crumbling under the failure of its socialist governments and is being overrun by muslims, but this is what the EU is really concerned with. Seriously?
M) Is it a requirement to be an absolute moron to hold a governmental position in California? I’m guessing that it is at least a check in the block for major promotions, since the Police Chief in El Lay is dumb enough to say “we should not demonize the Muslim Brotherhood.” We shouldn’t demonize a group that has literally declared war on us and our way of life? We shouldn’t demonize a group that adheres to the Koran’s commands that non-muslims must be converted, enslaved, or put to the sword, and that the whole world must be put under strict Sharia Law? That’s kinda like saying in 1942 that we shouldn’t demonize Hitler and Tojo.
N) Remember how Barack Obama promised that energy prices would “necessarily skyrocket” if he was able to implement his plans. One of the largest power companies in America announced that they will be forced to shut down six power plants over the next three years because of Obama’s new EPA regulations. Couple that with the way he has caused oil prices to go up and…he has lived up to his promise.
O) Well, the big story in the media has been Weiner-boy, who after his lies and final admission of guilt still will not resign. That is because he is a Democrat. Democrats do not lose their elected jobs over sex scandals. We all know about Bill Clinton’s multiple scandals. There was Gary Studds, who took an underage male page on a foreign trip to have “relations”. Bawney Fwank, another homo from Taxachusetts, ran a gay brothel with his male prostitute boyfriend, and just got a censure. Jim Bates of California just got a Letter of Reproval following his sex scandal. Compare this to Republicans Mark Souder of Indiana, Florida’s Mark Foley, Oregon’s Bob Packwood who acted just like Bill Clinton in the same time period, and just recently Noo Yawk’s Chris Lee who acted very similar to Weiner-boy.
P) The folks Red Nanny P-Lousy wants to put in charge of the Weinergate ethics investigation are some of the same ones in charge of the Maxine Waters ethics investigation and trial. How’s that trial going? It was supposed to get underway last fall, but the Democrats are obstructing it to no end, trying to sweep the whole thing under the rug. I don’t think there’s a big enough rug in the world to sweep Weiner under.
Q) In discussing Weiner-boy, MSNBC’s Chris “Tingly Leg” Matthews said that he believes Noo Yawk is culturally superior to the rest of the nation and Christians are culturally “backward”. Once again, liberals show their hatred of morality and support of degenerate behavior.
R) The Obama-Holder Injustice Department has forced the city of Dayton, Ohio, to LOWER its exam requirements for black fire department and police department candidates because so many of them were failing the exam. The racists at DOJ even threatened the city with a lawsuit if they did not comply, saying the city was violating the Civil Rights Act of 1964 because the test “has a statistically significant disparate impact upon African-American candidates.” (Where does that act mandate giving jobs to people who are too stoooopid to qualify for them?) The Affirmative Action AG’s peeps took these actions despite the 2009 Supreme Court ruling in the New Haven, Connecticut case that said a city could not disregard testing results just because blacks weren’t smart enough to pass the tests. The DOJ senior attorney even went so far as to say that written tests shouldn’t be needed, since firefighters don’t need to know how to read and write. Of course, these black candidates would probably have scored much higher if they had not been products of public schools with union teachers.
S) Her Majesty Queen micHELLe is once again sucking up taxpayer dollars for personal gain. She headed out to Californication on OUR dime to headline four DNC fundraisers, mixing in a small bit of “official First Lady business”. The “official” business included being a guest star on a Disney TV show and hobnobbing with Hollyweird types in a “Joining Forces” event supposedly to support military families. Since she and her husband hate the military even more than the Clintons did, this is quite laughable. If she wants to support military families, she should convince her husband and every other Democrat politician in our nation to resign and get REAL jobs. At one of the fundraisers, which charged $1000 per person for the invited crowd of 500, the First Grifter charged $10,000 per person for photographs with her. Who in their sane mind would pay that much to take a photograph with one of the (inside and outside) ugliest women in America? She told that same crowd, in referring to her husband, “that man doesn’t take a day off!” Uh, micHELLe? Hasn’t he gone golfing for the past 11 straight weekends?
T) Calling the Prophet Algoracle. A British study has determined that electric cars aren’t really green at all. There is no CO2 savings until they are driven 77,400 miles, and this does not even take into account that the electricity used to recharge the vehicles in many areas of the United States would come from coal-fired power plants!
U) We have more news sure to make Algoracle crawl back into his hole…er, one of his energy-inefficient mansions. It looks like our period of heavy sunspot activity, which has caused warmer temperatures, might be dying off into a much less active period. Some scientists are even predicting a second happening of the “Maunder Minimum”, which was a 70-year long period of decreased sunspot activity from 1645-1715. Those years happened to be rather cool on our earth.
V) Meanwhile, the envirowackos at the Interior Department are hell-bent on destroying as many American jobs as they possibly can.
W) The Obama Administration, in concert with the Useless Nations, is attempting to overturn our Constitution. According to the Constitution, any treaty ratified by the Senate becomes Constitutional law. The UN is trying to put forth a “Small Arms Treaty” that would severely restrict private gun ownership in signatory nations. In essense, the 2nd Amendment would be null-and-void. It has the support of almost every single member of the Obama Administration.
X) This article is for those of you who still insist that Islam is a religion of peace, and that only “radical” muslims are in favor of Jihad. In other words, this is for those liberals who have never read the unholy Koran.
Y) Here we go yet again. Another federal judge seems to think that a local school district is Congress, and the act of praying at a graduation ceremony is the same thing as making a law. He was even threatening jail time for students who uphold their schools and town’s traditions. This judge was appointed to the federal bench by a man who lied under oath and couldn’t figure out the meaning of the word “is”, and back in 1978 was named the Outstanding Young Democrat of Bexar County, so we know that he doesn’t understand the actual words of the Constitution, so I’ll print ‘em here for his perusal: “CONGRESS SHALL MAKE NO LAW RESPECTING AN ESTABLISHMENT OF RELIGION, NOR PROHIBITING THE FREE EXERCISE THEREOF” and “THE POWERS NOT DELEGATED TO THE UNITED STATES BY THE CONSTITUTION, NOR PROHIBITED BY IT TO THE STATES, ARE RESERVED TO THE STATES RESPECTIVELY, OR TO THE PEOPLE.” It is so simple that even a liberal SHOULD be able to understand, even if he is a judge or an Expat. As for the claim by the family and declaration by the judge that a boy would “suffer irreparable harm” if anyone prayed at the ceremony, if THAT causes him such harm, then the real world is obviously too much for him to handle. He needs to go ahead and kill himself now.
Z) In the first GOP debate this week, the question of separation of church and state came up. The best answer came from Tim Pawlenty, although I do believe the author of the linked article had an even better answer at the end of his first paragraph!
AA)Don’t tell me that the Democrats in general and the Obama Administration in particular have been LYING to us! Really? The Freddie and Fannie boondoggle just got worse. While the left is saying that the bailout of Bawney Fwank’s favorite entities will end up costing $130,000,000,000.00+, they must be using the same cooked books that Franklin Raines, Jamie Gorelick, and the rest of the Democrats who made millions running these scams were using to bamboozle Congress for so long. The actual cost is going to be over $317,000,000,000.00. That’s not just a wittle bitty accounting error. That is more lying and fraud from the most transparent administration in history. For the amount of money that the taxpayers have spent on those entities, we could have purchased most of those mortgages outright.
BB) The model for Obamacare, Britain’s National Health Service, is facing a “financial crisis.” Knowing the Brit penchant for understatement, the American term for this would be “financial disaster”, or in Democrat-speak “Republicans wanting you to die sooner.” Costs are going through the roof even as quality of care plummets, since there is no competition and the gummint is picking up the tab. Does this surprise any of y’all? This is what the Democrats want for you!
CC) The past few years have shown an uptick in black-on-non-black violence, much of it coordinated and premeditated. The media is quick to ignore such facts, but if the races were reversed, they’d be all over it like rats on Cheetoes.
DD) A co-worker of mine says that he can understand the activity if the grave being visited was that of the woman’s ex-husband, but otherwise it is just R-A-W-N-G, a bit freaky, and funny.
EE) I knew there was something evil in them when I saw them for the first time, so I refused to ever watch ‘em again. Yes, my friends, the Smurfs are racist, sexist, Nazis.
FF) Those wonderful and tolerant Followers of the Pedophilic False Prophet are at it again in Pakistan. Now they are asking the nation’s Supreme Court to ban the Bible from their country. That’s just a step on the road to forcing dhimmitude upon the Christians, or just killing them outright.
GG) The Congressional leadership on both sides of the aisle wants to keep sending copious amounts of aid to Pakistan, in return for what? Nothing! If they can’t make it on their own, they simply need to fail. They are not real allies, and they never will be. Representative West understands this. Foreign aid should only go to those nations that are our friends. The only aid that should go to nations that are other-than-true-friends should be humanitarian aid when disasters strike.
HH) Once more, this time with feeling! There was no such thing as the “Palestinian people” until the days of terrorist leader Yassir Arafat.
II)Obama’s Perfumed Prince, Admiral Mike Mullen, says that the military might start reducing pay and benefits for our military personnel and veterans. How typical of that liberal career bureaucrat and suck-up. Instead of screwing over the people who have honorably served our nation, how about taking pay and benefits away from people who don’t want to work? End all welfare, public housing, food stamps, and such to all who are not physically and/or mentally disabled to the point that they cannot work! Do they really want to piss off the veterans of our nation?
JJ) Admiral James Winnefeld has been nominated to the post of Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He is not a household name, but is described as “Mullen’s guy”, meaning he is from the Admiral Mullen school of thought. That means he is a political operator, a “Perfumed Prince”, not a warfighter or a true leader. That’s probably why Obama nominated him.
KK) Folks, I really can’t make this stuff up. Line-reader Sigourney Weaver says that Glo-Bull Warming is sexist and one of the solutions is to “empower women.” See what happens when you let a ditz speak off-script? And to think that the libs believe Sarah Palin to be stooopid….
LL) Now THIS is what I call customer loyalty.
MM) The Crawfish gives a salute and a traditional Navy “Well Done!” to Army Staff Sergeant Eddie Peoples. Remember, folks, when seconds count the police are only minutes away.
NN) The Crawfish also gives a final salute to Purple Heart awardee, and veteran of Operation Shingle, James Arness. The brother of actor Peter Graves, Arness spent twenty years portraying US Marshall Matt Dillon on the show “Gunsmoke”. He passed away last week at age 88. Thank you for your service to your nation and for entertaining us for all those years.
If y’all come across any weird/stoooopid/strange news stories that might be fodder for The Weekly Claw or The Weekend Claw, e-mail them to me at CrawfishsClaw@yahoo.com and I’ll consider ‘em. Yes, I will give you newshounds credit.
“Thanking Obama for killing Bin Laden is like going into McDonalds and thanking Ronald McDonald for the hamburger. It’s the guy cooking the burger that should get the credit, not the clown.” Quote courtesy of Gray Ghost