6-18-2011 The Weekend Claw

Here we go with another Special Edition of The Claw. By Friday night, I already had enough material for a full column, so here it is.

A)Since I’m working nights, and the transcripts were not made available for a few days, the best input I was able to get on the GOP debate last week came from this source. He probably makes more sense than the idjuts on CNN could ever hope to achieve.

B) Color The Crawfish not surprised in the least at this story. Travel and Leisure Magazine ranked Filthadelphia as the 2nd dirtiest city in America, trailing only N’awlins. I was stationed in that area twice, and can truly say that it is highly depressing to be almost anywhere within the city limits. It is rowhouse slum after rowhouse slum. Center City, where the tourist and historical sites are, is the cleanest part, but still doesn’t measure up to what it should be, and the people make Noo Yawkers look positively polite. Whaddya expect from a city that is 100% run by liberals, unions, and minorities to the point that they had a former street thug as mayor for two terms?

C) Speaking of a city government that is suffering from liberal lunacy and control freak mania, check out what is going on in Coral Gables, Florida. Even if my garage was completely cleaned out, there’s no way that Mrs. Crawfish’s pick’em up truck would fit in there.

D) I find it rather funny that the socialist left keeps comparing the conservative right to National Socialist Germany. In this case, we have a union thug leader, who gets his money by extorting it from real workers, comparing Noo Joisey Guvna Chris Christie to Adolf Hitler because he is trying to bring fiscal responsibility to the state government. Hey Shelton, as VP of the Communication Workers of America district 1, when was the last time you worked 40 hours in a week as a communications worker instead of a union thug? If that was more than 6 months ago, you are NOT a communications worker, and therefore should NOT be a part of that union.

E) My, how multi-culturalism causes problems. In Britain, the cops look the other way when muslims commit crimes so they aren’t called bigots. When the muslims attack the homosexuals, the police are in a quandary. Do they risk being called bigots by pursuing the “hate crimes”, or do they leave a protected minority unprotected? Why don’t they, as a nation, grow a pair and tell the mooks to assimilate into British culture or go back to their camels and sand fleas? This is exactly what we need to do in the US when it comes to our latino immigrants and our immigrants who are Followers of the Pedophilic False Prophet.

F) I’ve always thought that the Japanese ate some weird crap, but I never thought they’d be literally eating weird crap. Remind me to just order chicken if I ever go over there.

G) If I could have been in this hearing room I would have given Texas State Senator Chris Harris a standing ovation. A man who immigrated to the US 23 years ago was testifying against SB9, which would eliminate “sanctuary cities”, but his testimony was in spanish (not capitalized on purpose, as its use is an insult to our nation), with a translator. State Senator Harris jumped him for not being able to speak his mind in English after being here that long. Immigrants must assimilate to our culture, not the other way around. On top of that, the mezzican’s testimony was that SB9 was anti-family. Really? If the family is here legally, there is no problem. If they are not here legally, they need to be deported, and that’s their own damned fault! Of course, the editorial board of horribly misnamed Austin American-Statesman attacked Harris for his “intolerance”, but what do you expect from the newspaper of a city whose motto is “Keep Austin Weird” and has dreams of becoming the new Than Franthithco. Then again, Than Franthithco just keeps getting nuttier and nuttier, so Austin can’t catch up.

H) Meanwhile, news networks broadcasting in spanish are expanding with the 2012 election on the horizon. President Crawfish would put an end to this stuff. My FCC would not give a license to any network broadcasting in a foreign language over 50 miles from a border of a nation with a population that speaks that language. The only exceptions would be to allow such networks to be seen in tourist hotels and foreign consulates/embassies. The UN doesn’t count. Come to America and become part of America. If you don’t like it, go back to the nation you truly support.

I) do foreign countries believe that they have any right to have a say in our laws? Mexico and 10 other countries have filed briefs in federal court to prevent Georgia law enforcement personnel from checking immigration status on arrestees who have no ID, and turning them over to ICE if they are illegals. If the judge had a pair, he’d tell those nations that they have no standing in the matter and for them to put those amicus briefs somewhere dark and stinky.

J) Besides his lame reasoning of why he is not technically violating the War Powers Act (it’s not really combat, and it is made legit by support from the UN, which overrides Congress) even though he clearly is, there is yet another violation of federal law that could, and should, get Barack Obama impeached and removed from office. For the past three years, he has failed to do what the 2003 Medicare Modernization Act REQUIRES the President to do. Instead of simply putting forth a plan, all the Democrats can do is scream that the GOP wants to push Granny off the cliff.

K) Last week, I mentioned how Dallas Mavericks fans celebrated their team’s championship the right way, with happiness, cheering, and civility. The Crawfish must also tip his hat to the fans of the Boston Bruins, who also celebrated a championship the right way. Let us contrast that with how the people of Vancouver reacted when their Canucks lost Game 7 to the Bruins.

L) Why would a dictator ever heed the advice of legal experts? That’s what we must ask in regards to the War Powers Act, since King Barry was advised that continuing hostilities in Libya really is continuing hostilities, but he said “No, firing missiles at the forces of another sovereign nation is NOT hostilities, and besides…the UN said I could and they mean more to me than Congress!”

M) The morons at Westboro “Baptist” “Church” are at it again. This time they say the Arizona wildfires are God’s punishment to the state. What did the state do to deserve this? Governor Brewer tried to criminalize the military funeral protests of the Westboro jackasses.

N) Lucia de Vernai of North Star National takes a look at the recovery of Gabby Giffords, and the Democrats putting desperation to use her for partisan political gain ahead of her well-being.

O) Just when you thought you had heard all of the best in liberal stooooopidity, along comes the leftwing nuthouse called Portland, OR. They drained an entire reservoir because cameras caught one guy peeing in the lake. Do they not know about all of the fish poop in there already?

P) Some interesting news came out of the investigations surrounding Weinergate, and you probably won’t find it in the mainstream media. Hillary Clinton’s staff includes someone whose whole family is part of the Muslim Brotherhood. I know…y’all ain’t surprised by that in the least.

Q) Tingly Leg Matthews said that the Weiner resignation “reminded me of the Saddam Hussein hanging.” Probably because both were such sad events for Matthews.

R) The supposedly-failed North Korean nuke tests might not have been true failures. They may have actually been working on a “super-EMP” warhead. The Soviets worked on one of these long ago, and they calculated huge and long-lasting disruptions in America’s economy and day-to-day life. That was in the days before we had microchips running damned near EVERYTHING in our country. In April 2008, a report was released by the Commission to Assess the Threat to the United States from Electromagnetic Pulse (EMP) Attack. Their conclusions show that this type of attack, if performed correctly, would really screw up our country for years.

S) The Crawfish thinks these gentlemen missed the mark. Should this be made for men to wear, or for women to wear? Men are the ones who tend to be turned on by that scent! (Note: there is an advertisement on this video link before the story).

T) Movie review time! The Crawfish family just went to see Ryan Reynolds as “The Green Lantern”. If you are expecting super effects, an intricate plot, and strong character development (like the Batman Dark Knight series)…this ain’t your flick. This is more old-school superhero stuff. The effects are good, just not over-the-top. It is entertaining, kid-friendly, and just slightly campy. The 3D option is probably a bit better.

If y’all come across any weird/stoooopid/strange news stories that might be fodder for The Weekly Claw or The Weekend Claw, e-mail them to me at CrawfishsClaw@yahoo.com and I’ll consider ‘em. Yes, I will give you newshounds credit.

“Do not ever let anyone claim to be a true American patriot, if they ever attempt to separate religion from politics.”-George Washington

The Constitution of the United States

2 Responses to “6-18-2011 The Weekend Claw”

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