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I won’t be sharing the “inside of my mind” due to an eye injury. I am not sure what happened but I am in pain and my vision is very blurry. I have to see a opthalmologist this week. I have been dealing with this problem for about 2 weeks. I am not sure sure if I injured them while doing some yard work and got some something in them or it has another cause that is yet to be determined. I have been told by my local ER that I have a scratch on my cornea. I am not a happy camper at this point either way. I just want to get better!

I assure you that I will be very snarky when I heal up! Check out for my blog next week if all goes well!

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I have anguished over blogging about my current situation but I think that my silence only will perpetuate the abuse that I am going through. What follows may be familiar to some of you out there. Remember you are not alone. I have discussed domestic violence previously so many of you know what I have been through.

For as strong and independent as I am, I am so thankful for my parent’s support and guidance. They have reached out to my son and I recently. I don’t know what I would do without them.

My ex-husband has begun a calling and voice mail campaign once again. He is threatening and verbally abusive. My home has become my prison. I eat, breath and sleep fear. My weapons are always close by. I never go out of my home without my gun on my hip and when I come home at night from work, the gym or school I have to clear my yard.

My fear is that he will be laying in wait for me. I am so angry. I have asked myself what have I done to deserve this and I realize that it is his problem. He has a anger management issue to say the least and is a control freak. He is hiding from his financial responsibilities in regards to his son and drops out of sight at will. He is being paid under the table. His social security number has gone dormant. He changes his phone numbers and won’t give out his address. When we have talked he is insulting, mentally and verbally abusive. He refuses to work with me as co-parents. His girlfriend is often in the background hurling insults. Her day is coming. Mark my words. He will turn on her very soon. He claims that I MAKE him abusive. Now that is so classic. It’s such a text book comment. Hardly a surprise. Blame the victim.

I have not answered his phone calls for several months based on the recommendation of law enforcement, my son’s counselor and other legal professionals. I have recorded several of his previous calls and they are hard to listen to. They are sick and no productive not to mention damaging to have to listen to. I refuse to participate anymore in his sick rantings. I was only feeding his illness.

It has started all over again as of last Sunday, October 19 after not hearing from him since June. He called me 17 times in a 12 hour period. He gave me a 5:57 wake up call on Monday to start my day. How lovely. I never answered the calls but have taken measures to make sure this incident has been documented. His voice mails are beginning to show his anger and he is beginning to reveal himself more and more. On Thursday he had called me “restricted.” When I listened to the message he left it was strange. He said, “If this is Julie’s number then you need to call me and if this is not Julie’s number than you need to call me.” He then gave his name and phone number. Why call restricted if you are going to give out your number anyway?

Sunday, October 26, I received a phone call from a number I did not recognize. I made the mistake of answering it. It was his mother. I knew she was up to no good. She and I have not spoken in nearly 2 years. I realized she was verifying the number and she must have been so proud of herself. Of course she raised my abuser. She is his enabler right?

Her call was so casual. She wanted to know how the boys and I were doing. Was I still going to the gym? Do I work? What toys do the boys like and what size are they? She was trying to pry information out of me. I kept it simple and was “pleasant.” It took all that I had in me to be calm. Her son’s name never came up. I made sure of that.

His calls came several hours later as not to appear suspicious. As if I would not have already figured out the game. He called me 14 times in less then an hour just this evening and has left very hostile voice mails. Some calls were within the same minute. He threatened to come to my location. He called me from his mother’s phone as well so I know they are all together. He must have been listening to our previous conversation on speaker phone. This scares me even more. Strength in numbers. I did answer and hang up the phone as to ping the tower. I had a bead on his location this way. I am able to go into my account on line and check for each call as it comes in. It keeps me aware of his location by what tower he is using. It is so crazy to have to live like this.

The next morning I received a txt message from a woman that knows both of us. She asked what was going on between him and I. I contacted her and discovered that he is contacting her and her husband in order to obtain information about me. I am not even comfortable talking to these people. Sad thing is, he never liked them. They were my friends but he uses people for his own purposes and I have told her time and again that she needs to stay out of it. Needless to say I don’t talk to this couple anymore.

Again I made the appropriate documentation and obtained the police reports. It is so sad to know that in order for anything to be done someone has to get hurt at this point. The police told me that I can file harassment charges. I don’t know if it will do much good but I did.

My quality of life is suffering. I do not enjoy my yard as I am always on edge and looking around. I am afraid that he will just show up and I will be out in the open. Imagine if you will living in a constant state of fear. It a terrible feeling. Your heart feels as if it is always beating out of your chest and you never have true peace. I don’t ask for much. I am going to school and working. I don’t want to be rich. I just want to be happy. My ex is making it his mission in life to destroy me from within. He gets pleasure from traumatizing me and keeping me from moving on in my life. He doesn’t want me to be happy. He was unable to kill me on his first attempt and now I feel as if I am dying slowing. He is my cancer. My disease. I want to find a cure. I am so tired. I just want peace in my life.

He has moved on with his life. In fact a 1.5 years prior to the attack he started an affair. I found out about it and now I have no rights to any happiness. He has a child with this individual. His focus on my demise is curious. I wonder what it is really about. It is sick for sure. I don’t look for money from him. Half of nothin’ is nothin’ right? Besides IF he were to pay his child support it would not make up for all that I do and spend to maintain a nice home for our child. He fails to understand this concept. He has refused to pay child support and has told me that he doesn’t care what the divorce decree says. He told me to shove it up my butt. How nice!

I was able to get an Ex Parte Order Of Protection through Legal Aid but haven’t heard if he has been served. My hearing date is November 12th. It may have to be moved if they can’t locate him. I know where he is based on caller ID information. It only verified what I already knew. He hides though and if he sees the sheriff coming the women he surrounds himself with will hide him and deny knowing his location. I am sure eventually he will be served but his ability to skirt the law has become mind boggeling. He will be in a rage once he does get served. It WILL hit the fan.

My hope in writing all of this down is that none of you fall into the Hell in which I am now living. It is no way to have to live. I survive. My life has no joy. Just remember to have joy in your lives and never let anyone take it away from you. I am fighting to get mine back. It has been a long battle but maybe one day I will actually smile in a genuine way and be truly loved.

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He’s just another “Joe.” He’s just one of the guys. But thanks to this regular guy who asked the question that we all wanted the answer to, he has now been shoved into the spotlight by the left-wing media. He has had his reputation impunged and his personal business put out in the street.

It is a sad day for all of us. Our right to free speech is becoming questioned. We have witnessed the beginning of a new era in our history. It will become worse if Senator Obama is elected president. If we speak our mind and question those who are suppose to represent in our city, county, state, and federal government are we too going to be targeted by the left-wing media? Will all of our transgressions come back to haunt us? Is this how they will keep us quiet? Fear of embarrassment and shame?

I say NO WAY! I will ask and question my politicians. I will not be silenced. If I am vetted so be it. I can take it. I will be more than willing to stand up to these people. Too many have given their lives for this country and our freedoms. I won’t let them be taken away without putting up a fight.

Senator Obama manages to keep his hands clean. How does he do this? He uses his surrogates to do his dirty work of course then he stands as far away from them as possible in order to keep the BS from splattering onto his nice suit and tie. He admonishes them in public. I am sure he slips them a buck or two for their loyalty once they are behind closed doors.

He is not to be questioned or put on the spot. If he is, the race card comes out or he accuses Senator McCain of negative campaigning. McCain needs to be alot more negative with this left-wing liberal who has a socialistic agenda. We don’t need Obama’s kind of “change.”

Senator Obama also finds it perfectly acceptable to allow his surrogates to disrespect Governor Palin based on her gender and he has the nerve to say the SHE doesn’t have the experience to lead the country. Look who is calling the kettle black! The sexist attacks continue to fly and nothing is done. As a woman I am completely insulted. They never treated Hillary like this but maybe because she wears the pants in the Clinton family. You know she does!

Senator McCain’s wife Cindy has been written about in the New York Times that is less then flattering. I won’t even go there with their crap. You can read it on your own if you want to give them the time of day.

Michelle Obama has not been treated like this yet she has made some very inflammatory statements. No one questions her or is allowed to discuss her as she is “hands off.” I have noticed that she has been put up for a few weeks. I suppose she would have a hard time keeping her mouth shut. Eventually she would put her pump into it and the gig would be up. Wherever she is, you can bet she is chomping at the bit! I can’t even imagine her as our first lady. She has a mean streak and it will come out as time goes by.

I invite the Obama’s to come talk to me. I have some pretty tough questions for them. I would love to give them a piece of my mind. I guarantee you I would be vetted in a heartbeat after our little chat.

Joe has made his mark. I don’t care if he owes back taxes, has a lien on his property, is divorced and has other issues regarding that situation. He simply asked a question and Obama gave him the answer that we all knew he would. So now it is on tape and the left-wing media and the Obama campaign hate that the Obamamessiah was caught telling the truth for a change!

We have a huge responsibility here. We must be willing to speak out when we see a wrong being committed. It is up to us and we can lose our rights or we can preserve them. Our children are counting on us. We can’t let them down.

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I love being “folksy!” You betcha! I hail from the heatland and very proud of my upbring dontcha know! I have that “folksy” way of talking and I am very proud of it. It is just a part of who I am.

There has been alot of criticism of folksyness lately. Let me explain it to ya…Where I am from the folksyness is warm, honest, loving and down to earth. Those who are folksy are real people without all that pretention attached to themselves. They will give you the shirt of their backs if you needed it. They would help a stranger stranded on a deserted road just because that stranger needed their help. I come from a folksy part of the country. I always felt safe there.

I looked up the word “folksy” and “elitist.” I am sure happy to know I fall in the folksy category.

Folksy: (adjective) 1)Simple and unpretentious in behavior/sociable, friendly

2)Characterized by informality and affibility. (friendly, folksy town)

3)Modest; low-key, folksy humor, a folksy style that masks a keen business mind.

I then moved on to Elitist. Elitism is is the first definition I found. I think the following definition will explain alot to those who follow the current political/economic situation to which we find ourselves.

Elitism: (noun) 1) Practice of a belief in rule by an elite.

2) Consciousness of or pride in belonging to a SELECT or favored few.

Elitism is the belief that a certain person or members of certain classes or groups DESERVE favored threatment by virtue of PERCEIVED surperiority, as in intellect, social status. These individuals enjoy the sense of entitlement and feel they have the right to control, rule OR dominate those not of their “status.” This makes them elitists.

Now that I have ferretted out the differences between these two terms that are flying around more often these days, I will now get folksy with you.

Those of you who feel you are elitists may not like what is coming. I am going to get very blunt here. I am tired of beating around the bush and handling your kind with kid gloves. The gloves are off.

The current mudslinging that is taking place in our country is so disappointing to me. The elitists are coming out of the woodwork. Many are being rewarded for failure by walking away with great severance packages as the “folksy” folk are left holding the empty money bag. It has become more acceptable to make disparanging remarks about those of us who simply work day to day just to survive. It makes me ill quite frankly when I hear some so-called elitist and various talking heads telling us what is best for us as a nation. I know what is best for me.

Senator B. Obama seems to be protected by is elitism. Nothing negative can be said about him. It is either ignored, swept under the rug or the race card is pulled out and waved in our faces. He has so deftly mastered the art of media manipulation that he has them in his back pocket and working for him. Never mind that he is an elitist. Let us just forget about his dubious connections with Ayers, Rezko, Rev. Wright, that crazy Catholic priest and Acorn just to name a few. He has bamboozled so many people. Even the “commom” folk. It is amazing to me. Don’t they realize that he is a Socialist? That he shows poor judgement in his choice of friendships? His wife Michelle has also shown poor judgment as well. She also worked with Ayer’s wife years ago on a professional level. To state that they knew nothing of their terroristic ways is a LIE. How is it that we are going to possibly going to have this man and his wife in the White House?

His campaign has given Acorn at least $800,000. That is a conflict of interest if you ask little ole me! There is also the matter of all those small donations that are not required to be reported if they are below a certain dollar amount. Who are those coming from? Foreign countries? Special interests? Who is buying this presidency?

It has occurred to me that that the Senator has told his elite radical friends to keep it quiet for now. Once he is in office they will be able to speak. As president this man will be privy to the most top secret information that involves the highest levels of our national security. Think about that. How is in the world are is he going to possibly be president with such a collection of infamous associates? He makes Bill Clinton and the Monica Lewinsky scandal look like a silly daliance.

James Carvel has even had the nerve to make a statement that should get all of our attention. He said in so many words that IF Senator Obama were to lose the election when he has a 5 point lead, there would be many problems. Now is that a veiled threat of riots in the streets? Is this a scare tactic? I think it is a very ignorant comment. There again he pulled the race card. James Carvel isn’t even playing with a full deck. Ya betcha it is.

These people are all an example of the elitists. They feel as if they deserve to be in power over those of us who they consider lesser than us. That by virtue of either birth into money,money gained later in life, or attending the better universities, they are somehow better equiped to lead the simple folk. The “folksy” folk dontcha know. Well if you ask me, they are the reason we find ourselves and our country in the state it is in. This didn’t happen overnight or in the last 8 years. Do your research people if you don’t believe me. There is plenty of information out there that will enlighten you.

Senator McCain and Governor Palin on the other hand have been under the microscope. Their every word, move and perceived wrong has been example ad nauseum. Senator McCain is criticized for being too angry, not angry enough and just plain old. His service to this country has been used against him by those who wish to bash him further. They state that he is “damaged” and was brain washed. Nothing he does or says is appropriate. If he says anything negative about Senator Obama he is racist and an angry white man. He really can’t win.

As for Governor Palin, is seems that the left sees fit to mock her relentlessly. They find fault in her look, her manner of speech and the fact that there is a situation regarding a personnel issue involving the firing of someone who she saw fit to terminate. The whole situaton has been blown out of porportion. If she were a man, I am sure it would be a non-issue.

She is mocked on Saturday Night Live. That is okay though as she is a folksy, normal person. She is one of us. She scares the elitists. She reminds then that we are the majority. The elitists are trying to intimidate her and us.It also reeks of sexism. But that is okay by them.

You now what they say…A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.

Is that what we want? I don’t think so. That is what we will get with an Obama administration if not worse. His stance on everything from taxes to gun control should be cause for alarm. He back pedals now but what will he do if he is president? The small businesses won’t survive and as far as the right to bear arms, I don’t ever want to see the day come when I have to turn in my weapons that I count on to protect my sons and I.

His plans for health care and all the programs that he panders have to be paid somehow. Who picks up that tab? After a $700,000 billion bailout that seems to have been like throwing a cup of water on a house fire, I would like to know where he is going to acquire the revenue. Oh, that’s right! We The People! Taxes! You know a FINE is a TAX for doing wrong but a TAX is a FINE for doing well. Now does that make sense?

He claims that 90 plus will get a tax cut. I know he means it. It is hard to pay taxes when you don’t have a job! But take heart, you can file some paperwork at the local DHS office and get you some of that government cheese!

If you think you’re getting too much government these days, just be happy that you’re not getting all you are pay for…could be worse! It will be if Senator Obama has his way.

They make such a todou about Governor Palin hunting moose. She uses guns! OMG the elitists are up in arms over this. Imagine that! PETA is on her case I’m sure. I think if you eat what you kill then you are an environmentalist. Moose hunting is just as normal in Alaska as deer hunting is in the lower 48. I didn’t fight my way up the food chain to eat vegitables. Besides, if we aren’t suppose to eat animals, why are they made of meat? You know I do love animals. Really! They are delicious!

I am sure I have offended one or two of you out there but as yourself this…are you and environmentalist OR do you work for a living? I work and belong to PETA myself…People Eating Tasty Animals.

So if your lights are on and nobody is home you will more than likely vote for Senator Obama. Vote for him if it floats your boat. Just remember that it ain’t over till the fat lady sings.

Senator Obama needs to realize that he still needs to work with Congress. Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. He will find that out in short order. The honeymoon period won’t last long.

Congress has a moto…Doing the job right the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG over and over again gives one job security.

It is time for regular folk to be in the White House. It is time to shake up and shake down Washington. It will be interesting to see what happens in a few short days.

One final thought before I go…You never die a virgin, life always screws you over first. Lets try not to let our government continue to screw us over.

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It seems I have ruffled some feathers of late. I usually do. Consider it part of my charm so to speak.

Ignorance is in the pot! Add a dash of arrogance and you have just entered my hot kitchen. It gets hot in here and some can’t handle what I cook up if they have a thin skin. I love the heat.

As many of you know, I haven’t been posting on VAJoe. There is a reason for this. I prefer not to be banned. Until I could contain myself and not tell certain people how I really felt, I had logged off. Call it my little protest. It actually gave me up to think about things. Don’t think I am not watching you. I was standing on the outside looking in. In fact I may have even posted without actually posting myself. Sneaky wasn’t it? I have been gone long enough. I sure hope those of you who disagree with my point of view have gotten it all out of your system. Things are going to be back to how they use to be. Buck up as they say…it’s going to get bumpy! If I am told to “shut up” or called “classless” I will respond from this point on. One CAN tell one’s opponent to go to Hell but make sure they enjoy the ride. I intend to make sure your travels are as comfortable as possible…

I will not take any more BS from those who find it my opinion too strong. If my words cause someone to tell me to shut up then I know I have hit a nerve.Just like YOU I too have a point of view. I have earned mine. Have you? I will know your weaknesses and take advantage of them in some way, shape or form. This is a fair warning to those of you who see fit to cross that line with me. It is called playing with fire. Be careful, you may get burned.

Let me make something very clear for those of you who are new and haven’t gotten the full picture just yet…I hate whiners. Pure and simple. It seems that is what I have been hearing from the liberals of late. I don’t care if you are inconvenienced. Give me a real problem. Only then you will see my concern. Until those of you who whine and complain on a daily basis can present a problem that is legitimate, deal with it. Fix it yourself. I don’t care if you don’t like Senator McCain and Governor Palin. I actually think that most of you who prescribe to Senator Obama’s line of thinking fear the Mavericks on the right. Of course your own party has Mavericks as well but you bash them as well. They don’t tow the party line. Many of them pay with their political careers. I have seen that as well. I know of one in particular who is a fighter and with the support of those of us in my voting district she will be back in Washington working for the people after the November 4th election. She is a Democrat and yes I will be helping her regain her Senate seat.

Whiners come in many forms. Not just in the political arena. I have had the pleasure of dealing with several who get their feelings hurt so easily over my beliefs or statements. Grow some skin people! Life is hard. If it wasn’t then it wouldn’t be worth living. Many complain about the most trivial of things. Sit back for a moment and take stock in what you have. I guarantee you that you have very little to complain about.

There have been statements made recently stating that if they could buy their loved one out of the military they would. How disrespectful to those who put on the uniform each day. It’s not an easy profession but it is the most honorable. These men and women get up every day and do what they do in order to keep us safe. My son and I are able to go to the store without being worried about a suicide bomber ending our lives. They sacrifice so much for us. Some do whine of course but for the most part these service men and women serve quietly and with distinction. Throughout history so many have made the ultimate sacrifice. They died doing what they believed in.

I served my country. I didn’t like it all of the time. I sucked it up and drove on. I survived. I despise those who blame others for their failures yet take all the credit for their successes. I have seen this in both the military and the civilian world. These people have a tendency to deflect their short comings onto others as not to take responsibility for their own actions. We all know people like this in our lives. Are any of you like this? Do you blame others for all the ills of your life?

I was married to a man like this. In fact after loosing his 2nd or 3rd job(I lost count), I finally admitted to myself that he was spinning a tale. He continued to do this even after he tore my world out from under my son and I. It was MY turn to be the cause of all his woes.

With that said, I know what I am talking about. I have lived it and I now see some who are making excuses for others as if their support of them will somehow make that person the victim that they aren’t. Just ask yourself this…Is it a pattern? Does this person always have a reason, story or excuse for failure? For getting trouble? Take the hint.

It brings me right back to domestic violence and abuse issue. This is a topic I know very well. So many women(some men) excuse their loved one’s behaviors by saying they are being falsely accused, persecuted and simply misunderstood. Many live with this dillusion. I did. Violence woke me up. Fortunately I am tough or he would have litterally gotten away with murder and the justice system would have made him a victim there too. He would have been charge with a “crime of passion.” I would have been just as dead but he would be walking the streets in no time.

If I offend someone, I intend to. Consider this your wake up call if you will. If someone gets their feelings hurt then they have to ask themselves how words on a computer dished out by one person can be so disturbing. Of course there are limits to which one can go but overall I am not PC. I tell it like it is. I don’t THINK everything that I hear or read on VAJoe is directed to me personally. If it is I will respond, use my sharp wit and mix in some humor. But in the end I get over it. PERIOD!

A FINAL THOUGHT…

Get a grip on yourself people. It’s not that serious. I can fill a years worth of blogs with truly serious problems that most of us will ever have to deal with. Think about that the next time you are sitting in traffic and the light doesn’t change as fast as you would like. Or the steak you ordered wasn’t cooked to your specifications. That’s life! Consider the fact that we are free to complain. Some complain entirely too much! We are free to go where we want and say what we think as long as we don’t scream, “FIRE” in a sold out movie theater.

If I don’t come across warm and cuddly, so be it. I do have an edge about me. But I also have a soft side. Those who know me personally know the real me. That’s all that matters when it comes right down to it.

Like Senator McCain says…I have not won any Miss Congeniality contests.

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This past week was spent primarily mowing the property my boss owns. I was near a Starbucks and during the two days I was out there I took note of all of the traffic they had. This is definitely one busy store. The SUVs were all over the place. It was as if there was no gasoline issues and that the prices of gas had no effect on these people. I guess if you can afford to drive a Hummer or Escalade you can afford to gas it up and put high end coffee in your own tank.

I must admit that it was tempting to be so close to the coffee shop. I too fell victim to it’s allure. How can one resist it’s fancy coffee? The delicious smells as one walks in. The progressive and earthy way in which they present themselves? I know I couldn’t. I parked my mower. I walked into the store like a woman possessed and ordered my favorite coffee concoction. I am addicted to the White Chocolate Mocha with skim milk and cream on top. What the heck! I have to live a little! I too have an SUV. I am a part of that crowd right? Never mind that my Jeep is a ’99 and has over 116,000 miles on it. I still belong! I drank that coffee as if it was the best thing in the world. I then finished my mowing for the day with a smile on my face and more zip in my motor!

The gas situation in Tennessee is a very annoying. I have curtailed much of my driving. Fortunately my boss filled my Jeep for me as it was used to get to the job site and conduct my job. It was at $4.19/gal as of Sunday. In Nashville they have been running out of gas as people are panic buying. Many are topping off their tanks without a real need. They were told not to do this but of course they didn’t listen. There were several cases of road rage and gas rage as well. I was scheduled to go to the Nashville VA for an MRI. I cancelled and will go on a later date. They agreed at the MRI clinic to work me in next Saturday. The MRI techs told me that it was nuts there over gas. Apparently the pipeline that runs to this area is still damaged due to the hurricane.

I am beginning to doubt that gas will ever go down to acceptable price levels. We are happy when it is $3.47/gal. We feel we are getting a bargain. That’s pretty sad isn’t it? The politicians talk about alternative fuels, drilling in ANWAR ,off shore drilling and hybrid cars but that is all they do. Talk is cheap, gas isn’t. I couldn’t afford to buy one let alone get approved for a new hybrid at this point anyway. Who needs the debt?

I have to consider my food options each week due to the rising cost of fuel. My son and I don’t go out or participate in many activities as it would cost more in gas than I could afford and if I were to sign him up for sports I would be running around to the fields for practice and games. Just not feasable at this point. How unfair to him. He is a natural athlete and somehow I have to find a way to get him into these activities without breaking the bank. For now all things are on hold. We have to get through the winter. I know I am not alone. Many of us are going to have to hunker down and go without some of the luxuries of life. It is going to be an interesting if not a scarey time for some of us. Not sure what the future holds but that is a part of the fun. I am always up for an adventure. Going without can be very humbling. I know. I do. More people need to be humbled from what I can see.

Regardless of who is elected President in November, we are in for a rough ride. It has already begun. We are still in denial as individuals and as a country. I saw that last week as people were getting hopped up on caffeine and gassing up their high end SUVs. People are still not getting it. The economy has taken on a life of it’s own. Large companies have failed. The government has taken over and now we as taxpayers have to pick up the slack. When it hits, it will hit hard. This is only the beginning.

I have said it before and I will say it again. Don’t live off credit. You can see the writing on the wall very clearly at this point. It will come back to bite you in the backside.

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Last week as many of you who read my blog know I began the process of filing for bankruptcy. It has been very healing in so many ways. All of the burdens that I have been living with for nearly two years have begun to lift from my shoulders. It is going to take time but now I have taken action.

In the time that I have gone through the financial stress, I have also been going through emotional stress. Often we lump it all together and don’t know how to separate it in order to handle it properly, I have found if you deal with each individual issue separately, you will be more successful in the end. I have learned to break it down.

When any of us suffer a loss we find ourselves stuck. I have been stuck. Divorce can be very similar to a death. Domestic violence only compounds that feeling. Toss in the financial devastation that comes with any loss, you will find a recipe for disaster.

I became very emotional in my responses to my divorce and financial issues for a very long time. That is normal of course but it won’t get you anywhere. People around you will say they understand but after awhile you are on your own. You become “that poor woman.” I hated that. I needed to get away from that label as I am too strong for that. I had my pity party and now it’s over.

I had bills that I ignored because I had no way to pay them. I didn’t open them for almost two years. That didn’t solve anything. When I did call about them, the companies could care less about what I was going through. I have finally waded through everything. It really represented my emotional distress. My lack of organization was a symptom of my grief and utter loss. I went from a very organized woman to one who couldn’t remember what she had to do from day to day literally overnight. That was very disturbing to me. I had to write notes to myself just to make it through each day.

Now that I have come through it and am tackling the situation, I feel so much better. I still have to get through the whole bankruptcy process but it will be the true closure for me.

Domestic violence seems to be on the rise. It is so easy for me to sit here and tell those of you who read my words to just get out. I know how you are feeling. You love your husband. Many of you have no income. You have children together as well. More often then not you are afraid. You fear him. You fear leaving and not being able to support you and your children. You are so in love that it is impossible to see it for what it is really. It is human nature to be this blind. I can look back now with 20/20 vision and know that from the very beginning I made a bad choice. My only gift that I ever got from him is my son. So to say I wouldn’t do it again would be unfair to my little boy. I wouldn’t have him would I?. We love each other so. So in the end love did conquer all.

My hope is that someone out there who reads my words and sees herself in me will find it in her to get help and get out of a dangerous situation. You are not doing your children any favors by staying. They are suffering right along with you. You are their only voice. They are just kids. Be strong for them. Teach them that abuse in any form is wrong. Your actions will go a long way with them. Children are very smart and resilient

I have some signs of abuse that I have experienced. If you can identify with them then you know that you really are in a bad situation.

1)Does he isolate you from friends?

2)Does he belittle you in front of others? Tells you to shut up?

3)Does he keep you from working and control the money?

4)Does he abuse drugs and alcohol?(not always the case)

5)Does he call you names? Has he ever restrained you? Shoved you? Hit you?

6)Does he blame everyone else for all of his problems?

7)Are you afraid to talk to him about anything especially financial issues?

8)Does he make you feel like a child? Treats you as if you don’t have a brain?

These are just some of the signs that should make you realize things are not as they should be. I will also add that MEN are also abused by WOMEN as well. I am only speaking from my own personal experience.

The bottom line is this…Love should not hurt and if it does then you have to identify the problem and make some serious changes. Take care of yourself and your children.There are agencies out there that will help you. You must go to them. They won’t come to your door checking on you. Be proactive, not reactive. Get your finances in order. Start saving money. Put it to the side for an emergency. Prepare for the worst. If you are in immediate danger call 911. Don’t let your love preclude the fact that your husband tried to hurt you. He will have to deal with the consequences of his actions.

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