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I have been living under the stress of profound debt for several years now. While still married to my ex-husband I had a knack for robbing Peter to pay Paul and along the way we had great credit but we were very over extended. We were living on credit and when my marriage came to an abrupt end, not only was I left to pick up the emotional wreckage of the damage that was created by betrayal and the physical abuse but I was now a single mother who was left with all of the bills.

We had eventually separated our bills in the court system and though I by no means had the ability to pay for all that I was ordered to pay, I was trying to make it happen. There were letters and notices that I had not opened for over a year and a half as I couldn’t face it all. My ex-husband is refusing to pay the bills that he was ordered to pay that have my name attatched to them.

I have been surviving but not living. Prior to my separation and divorce I was a stay at home mom. My ex-husband didn’t want me to work. Now looking back I see that as a red flag. It was part of his control of me. The plan was for me to go back to work once my youngest child was in school. He would get angry when I brought up my going back to work yet he would complain about the money or the lack of. Never once did I discuss money with him. I was afraid to. He would rage and I felt like a child fearful of her parent. That is a clear sign of a very unhealthy relationship. Hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it?

Things are different now. I have learned some very hard lessons and I hope my experience will somehow prevent some of you from going through the same mess I am dealing with.

I am now filing for bankruptcy. I have no choice. It is my only chance to start my life over and be free. To feel the hope that my future will bring. I have opened all of those letters and notices and as I tore each one open I felt a bit lighter knowing that I was taking action to somehow fix the mess I have found myself in.

I will never have another credit card. If I don’t have the cash then I don’t need it. PERIOD! Credit cards will drag you in and as you acquire more credit cards you become addicted to them. Break the addiction now. Put them away, cut them up. Have one for an emergency only. What you buy with that card won’t out last your debt.

If you find yourself chasing your bills and shuffling them around like I was then you know you are in trouble. Get a grasp on what is going on. Correct the problem before it gets out of hand.

To the women out there I want to say this. Always be prepared to provide for yourself. Never count on anyone but yourself when it comes to survival. Love is a wonderful thing but it can go terribly wrong when one least expects it. Never be caught without a way to make a living. Go to school. Have a job. Do both. I am now in school and feel empowered by it. I work and though it is not always easy work, I find satisfaction in the fact that I am doing for myself and my children.

My ex-husband is also what they call a dead beat dad. He is hiding from his responsibilities to his beautiful son. He refuses to pay child support. Now he is on the run and working under the table. He has brought another child into the world as well. We all choose our paths in life and he has choosen his. I live freely and he lives in the shadows must continue to hide. That is not a life. I would be lying if I didn’t think it was Karma on his tail and I think it was about time.

Once my finances are taken care of and I can finally breath I will start living again. I am smiling more now from the heart.

To those of you who are just starting out in life and are so in love, heed my words. I don’t mean to throw a damper on the love fest but my intention is to toss in some reality into the mix. Trust is something that we must all gamble with. I am willing to trust again, but I will only trust me completely when it come down to it.

Bankruptcy isn’t the best option for some but in my situation it is my only way to a brighter future. I see my attorney Monday to start the paperwork and I know it will take awhile to wade through all of it.

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When it was announced that Senator John McCain had selected Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin as his running mate last week I was elated. The more I heard about her the more I liked her. She is the type of woman who holds her ground and stands up for what she believes in. She is very inspiring to me.

Of course there are those who are now coming out of the woodwork to question her experience, her politics and her education. She is not an attorney therefore she must not be suited to lead right?. If you ask me, the fact that she ISN’T in attorney is more of a positive in my book.

She has been a maverick in her own state and has stepped on many corrupt toes regardless of their party ties. I find that is admirable in so many ways. She is gutsy and sure of herself. Heck, she hunts moose and can make a mean moose stew!

While all of these things are great accomplishments, she has done something even better in my eyes. She has been a wife and mother. She has 5 children. Her son just left for Iraq to serve this great country. She has a special needs child who is the light of all of their lives I am sure. She is married to her high school sweet heart. If anyone is looking to discredit this woman they will find that her family will be hard to tear apart. They are just as strong as she is. I have a feeling she is meaner than a grizzly bear when it comes to protecting her children.

It is funny how people will discredit her and I am sure she knew she was going to face such scrutiny. How brave of her and her family to push forward with this great responsibility. People have to realize that these are Alaskans. They live under some very hostile weather conditions. Often the state is ignored unless it comes to energy concerns. Senator McCain is no fool. He knows that Governor Palin is made of sterner stuff. She is very prepared to fight the big fight.

I find her very inspiring on a personal level. As I work towards my goals each day to make my life better for my sons and I, I can identify with her no nonsense, fighting spirit. It is about time that a down to earth role model comes along that women such as myself can relate to. She hunts and will protect my right to bear arms. She is a regular gal who has a brain and that is what I like. Sure, she has more money than I do. But that is not what I am looking at. I am more concerned about her character.

Women have a problem more times than not with strong women. We have a tendancy to knock each other down. I am only going to speak from my own experiences and insights. So if the shoe fits, wear it.

I have a belief that many women are just plain jealous of each other. The word CRUEL comes to mind. There is an unspoken competitiveness that goes beyond looks and who has the better husbands, cars and clothes. Some women are envious of another woman’s inner strength and accomplishments. We have become our own worst enemies. Men don’t have to do a thing. They just sit back and watch the catfights. It is very belittling and degrading. It is about time that we stick together and become friends. If not friends then we must become partners in this world for a positive change. I am not speaking of the Obamamessiah’s change. I still am trying to figure out what he means. Once we can get past all the personal bashing of each other, will we get past the questioning of our ability to succeed based on our gender.

In my observations men can be friends and buddies for life. They have the ability to go with the flow and live and let live for the most part when it comes to each other. They usually don’t hold a grudge. Their cure for most things is a cold beer and a football game.

Women work differently. The gossip is so damning. The fact that we are capable of destroying each other and tearing one another apart is so very sad. I have met very few women who have girlfriends that they have known and been close to for their entire lives.

Many of you who work in an office that is predominately female know how stressful it can be. That is where the changes have to be made. Take the time to re-evaluate yourself, your own actions and open a positive dialogue with each other. Take the “I” out of TEAM. Become a team. That is how you will find peace at work and at home. Give it a try and you will be amazed how much happier you will be. Stop gossiping. Stop being negative about one another. Recognize those around you as individuals. Our actions sometimes directly affect the actions of those around us either positively or negatively. Be a positive role model. Mentor your female co-workers.

There are some exceptions. The women who are “down to earth” are what it is going to take to turn things around. It’s time to get down to the nitty gritty and get the job done. Governor Palin is the woman for the job.

Just remember that no matter what each of us goes through each day. No matter what troubles we may have, we too can be inspirations to someone in our lives. That is very powerful and profound.

There have been some struggles of late for me and even when I am low crawling through a day there is someone who comes along at just the right moment and tells me that I inspire THEM! How could this be? I am trying to just make it through the next hour. But we don’t see what others see when we look in the mirror. We are our own worst critics aren’t we? They must see something in me that I am missing. These people make me smile and help me focus. They in turn inspire me to continue on. I realize then that inspiration comes from pain and struggle. It also comes from positive outcomes. I am working towards the postive.

I will continue to be inspired by others and I hope to continue to inspire others myself. That is how hope is perpetuated.

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I am writing my sad pathetic blog this week hoping that I will be able to reach those who still don’t get me.

If you don’t get my twisted sense of humor from this blog or my posts on VAJoe then you may need to seek medical attention or enlist in the service. That should fix you right up.

I am referencing a certain individual in my first statement as that is how she referred to my blog. You know I couldn’t resist…

At first it I was upset with her but the more I thought about it, the more I realized she at least had read what I had written. She had taken the time out of her sad and pathetic day to do so. I am so honored. I also became aware that she was also making a weak attempt at controlling me and my actions. I guess I was suppose to pack it all in. Stop writing and take all my toys home and walk away.

As you can see that did not happen. In fact she has inspired me to continue. You see inspiration can come from the positive as well as the negative in our lives. Of late I have had more negative inspiration but I am a strong woman and though I get fired up and tell it as I see it, I also know that can still smile and laugh out loud over most of it.

I would be remiss if I did not thank all the people in this world who I have come across who have shared their cruel words and their cruelity with me. They have served me well! Thank you!

I am not a quiter. I have never been. I have failed at times. We all have. But I have always tried. That is the key here. One never knows what they are capable of doing without trying. If you try and fail that doesn’t make you a loser. But if you never try because of your fear of failure then you are a quiter. That’s just my opinion and you know what they say about opinions…

I don’t know know everyone’s circumstance so who am I to say really. Fears often control us. The thought of what others will think of us often limit us to keep it simple and not take risks. We will keep it just below the radar in the risk taking. I have no fear of what others say. I do have certain limitations though. I march to the beat of my own drummer. I always have. It is very liberating and but often lonely. In the end it is a good place to be. I can sleep at night knowing that I did what I believed in. I am not a follower. I am a leader even if I am only leading myself. I instill this in my children. They know that they have to do what is right for them alone. Not what the group says is right. I hope this will keep them a bit safer from the peer pressure that is surely to come. I want them to be strong enough to say no to the drinking, drugs and the girls that will toss themselves at them. I will be sure to have my Ruger and Mossberg on display…just kidding…sort of!

In my daily life I have a reputation as a hard worker. I sometimes would prefer to just take it easy but I know that it is better to take the path less travelled. I have standards and I am proud to know that the efforts I put forth are being recognized. When given a task I will get it done. If it requires me going above and beyond the call of duty I will get it done. If I have a problem with the task at hand I will simply let my boss know and we will work through it. I don’t sweep things under the rug. I learned long ago that eventually someone will lift that rug and you will be exposed. Honesty is the best policy and you will maintain the respect that you have worked so hard to earn.

It is sad but true that one lie or misrepresentation will destroy all we have worked so hard for. Is it worth it? Honesty IS the best policy. We have all learned this the hard way I am sure as we are all human.

I did receive some good news this week!

The Obamamessiah has selected Joe Biden as is running mate. I has been unable to wipe the grin off my face. Boy will this be fun! He has opened a can of worms and I have my fishing pole ready to bait. How perfect. This guy so full of one liners and so much more that will become fodder not only for my cannon but for the Republican cannon as well.

I have been checking up on him and have found some interesting videos and statements attributed to this man. The fact that the Obamamessiah introduced him as the next President of the United States is real rich. Talk about a Freudian slip! Let’s not forget that Biden introduced the Obamamessiah as Obama America. HUH? Did I miss something? When did that name change become effective?

I personnally think he will be the behind the scenes president if the brainless wonders somehow get the Obamamessiah elected. He will be the puppet master and The Obama will be his mouth piece. This way all the liberals will be filled with joy and prove to the rest of the world that we are just as European, sophisticated, and non-racist as the rest of the world. What a crock of crap. I guess it tastes good once you get past the first few spoon fulls. No thanks! I am a picky eater.

Let the games begin!

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This has been an interesting week and I have had a bit of a learning curve of late. I will start with how I feel about friends.

I try to be a good friend. I don’t seek people out. Sometimes I will meet people in my daily life and we hit it off. As a result I think it important that once you have built a rapport with someone it is your responsibility to do the right thing. I expect the same in return but have discovered more times than not most people don’t see things the same way I do. Maybe I have unrealist views. Women can sometimes be katty and it is not always easy to find a man to be friends with unless he is gay.LOL On a positive not, he could give me great tips on clothes and makeup. That could be the best of both worlds I think. He just can’t be too flamboyant. I have my limits on that! He wouldn’t have PMS and we could both check out the guys! Talk about making lemonade out of lemons!

I have been contemplating this for the last few days and I have come up with some possible reasons as to why this happens. Our society has become a throw away culture. We have become so inclined not to work at things. Friendships, marriage, you name it. With myspace and Facebook, there is very little personal interaction. On-line dating is another problem. All of it is very surface. No one really gets to the real person anymore. How sad. There is also the “Girls Gone Wild” behavior. Our children and the younger crowd seem to think that there will be no consequences if they run wild through the streets or on the internet for that matter. Friends are no a commodity anymore and if it feels good, do it.

I have only a few friends and I still only trust one of them…myself. It has to be this way. It has caused me to be more cynical and closed off but few know this as my general attitude is one of optimism. I am a fighter and a survivor. I don’t give up on myself and have faith in the knowledge that in the end I will prevail. I also do not want my son to feel that he has to be suspicious of his fellow classmates or contemporaries. He has to learn his lessons the same way I have learned mine. I can’t always protect him can I? I will be there to hold him up though. He knows that I always have his back.

I took him to the rodeo last night and we had a blast! It was fun just to be out with him. We watched the action and he is no longer afraid of clowns. He actually likes the rodeo clowns. I explained to him what they did and how important they were to the cowboys. I still think he is not too excited about the other brand of clowns though. I agree with him on that one.

Too many children don’t get the exercise that they require. Video games and other technologies are turning our children into future overweight, unmotivated adults. Many are overweight now. They have no reason to go outside and if it suggested many children cringe at the thought. They wouldn’t know what to do. When I was growing up, I spent all my time outside exploring my world. I grew up on a farm and loved being in the pasture with my horse and my dog Rex. That was where I found my peace. We were not allowed to watch TV. We had one but watching it was very limited. I read. I love reading and grew up with the World Book Encyclopedia. I read each one of them. I hid them under my bed and if my sisters needed one they knew where to find them. I full of knowledge as a kid and find it troubling how the written word is often going by the wayside.

My 6 year old doesn’t have video games whatsoever. He actually plays outside! He knows how to entertain himself as his brother is staying with his father for awhile in the Washington State area. People comment on how he is able to keep himself occupied. Why is this so amazing? I guess they are so use to their children being glued to the gameboy or the remote.He is athletic. He runs, jumps and climbs trees. I have rescued him a couple of times. We have an old tree out back. Several month ago I saw him up in that tree. I thought nothing of it as he would climb it all of the time. As I was checking on him I saw him still up the tree. I waved at him and he did not appear to be in distress. Well about an hour passed and the kid was still there. At this point I knew he is not up that tree for his health. I called to him and he starts yelling, “HELP!” His leg was numb from sitting on it and he had gotten wedged between the trunk and the branch. I was laughing so hard as I extracted him from the offending tree. He did not know whether to laugh or cry. I guarantee you that the tree has not been climbed since!

I have been having some discussions with a Russian on the VAJoe site. I am not sure if this person is actually from Russia but regardless I have to add this before I close.

Russia and Putin are up to their Cold War tactics. There is a stragetic component to all of this as far as the Black Sea ports goe. Putin wants to maintain control of the region so that the ports can be used by Russia.

http://www.ocean.udel.edu/blacksea/geography/index.html

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/216560.html

I found this in my research. It may have some teeth. Read it and make your own decision. From what I can tell this whole thing started somewhere and there are many irregulars fighting.

The bottom line is it comes down to oil and the control of the energy in that region by Russia and Putin. They are throwing in some ethnic cleansing as well.

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I am recovering from food poisoning that I aquired 12 days ago. I was the unsuspecting victim of a Chinese buffet. My son and I was treated to dinner after I got of work July 29th. I was the only one who ate the California rolls and crab meat. I also ate the raw fish I am sure. Not a good choice as it turns out.

We ate about 5 pm and by 3 am I was awake and on my way to the ER. They patched me up and I went home. I lost a day of work. I was so ill. It has lingered. I reported the situation to the health department as well and the restaurant manager. Of course he told me that no one had ever gotten ill from their food. This is a fact that I know is untrue as I know of several people who have become ill after eating there. But his food got me sick…very big mistake! I told him that it was unacceptable and am going to help them clean up their act. I will never eat at a buffet again by the way!

The Health Department contacted me and told me that they inspected the establishment and they took some hits. I was vindicated when the inspector informed me that the seafood buffet was at an unacceptable 67 F. The temperature is to be 40 F to 41 F. My boss told me I was lucky I was walking around! I can only imagine what would have happened if a child or an adult with a comprimised immune system had eaten this food.

I was put on antibiotics a few days after getting sick but I ended up back at the ER with the same symptoms. I was told that it could linger for awhile. I am not a happy camper at this point!!! I know I’m sick when I don’t go to the gym so now I am stuck at home waiting this out.

My doctor told me that it is very dangerous to eat out during the summer. He said not to ever eat at a buffet. I agree. I asked him what he does. He told me that he eats at home. Not very encouraging when one likes to go out once in awhile is it? But it sure beats getting ill. He told me that summer is the worst time to eat out at any restaurant. Guess I will be eating canned soup from now on!

I did my civic duty and voted Thrusday. Funny thing was I was going to cross party lines in favor of a Democrat who had done the same for a Republican but found out that I would have to register as a Democrat in order to vote for the best person for the job. She had cast the deciding vote for the Republican representative and had gained the ire of her own party. I like her. She has ethics and does what she feels is right. But there was no way I was going to do register as a Democrat. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was looking for the Independent box. Not to be found. So here we are as voters…pigeonholed. I think this is part of the problem. The Democrat that I wanted to vote for was Rosilyn Karita. She is all about the military. I respect that about her. She is proactive and does what she cans for the community. But when it comes down to it we are just voting for the best liar. The best manipulater. It is pretty sad but that is what it has become.

It has been like this for many years I know but it just seems to me that it has become more prevalant. It is more about the money these polititians can make from deals behind the scenes. They line their pockets on our time. That is criminal. But they have a free pass. We have to elect the least of the evils and we are getting ready to do it now in November. I hope people wake up. It is going to get messy if they don’t.

Obama does stand for change folks but he only uses the word without explaining what he means. We won’t like it I assure you. I don’t want to be on board with Europe or any other country for that matter. Our forefathers fought the Revolutionary War for a reason. Why would we want to go back to the old country? We are an independent nation. Why are we so willing to sell out now? So much precious blood has been shed to allow us to be free. Is it all going to be for not? We don’t have to be loved by the world. China, Russia, Iran and Venezuala are not out to win Miss Congeniality are they? Why do we as a nation feel that we have to? We will be seen as weak and insignificant. I am neither weak NOR insignificant. I am AMERICAN! We need to stand up and take back what we are about to give away. No more apologies for who we are or for what we stand for. I am American and to the rest of the world I am an Ugly American. I don’t care. They can hate me. Resent me. Want to kill me. But in the end they want to be me. They want to be US!

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I have been very busy as usual. Working, taking care of the home and dealing with all that comes with being a mom. I also recently discovered a new and potentially dangerous threat to those of us who walk the streets…homeless people on second rate bikes with no breaks!

I was on a delivery to a local downtown pub during the lunch rush. I bring joy in the form of flowers so all are happy to see me. So after the pleasant experience I was exiting the establishment and out of the corner of my eye I saw a flash of movement. I jumped out of the way just in the nick of time! A man on a run away bike was heading towards me. The man is yelling a warning that he had no brakes! Just great! I was a nano second from tasting the pavement. The funny thing is, this pub was full of lawyers. Talk about irony. He felt bad I’m sure. I was laughing more out of surprise and the patrons who saw it happen were laughing with me. I wonder what would have happened if I had bit the dust though…

Why he was on a busy sidewalk in the middle of downtown? I just count my blessings as he was rolling down hill and was coming fast. He was loaded down with all that he owned so the impact would have been more powerful and I am sure I would have been hurt. I wonder how many attorneys would have come to my aid? Oh that’s right…The guy was homeless! He has NOTHING! Therefore they would have defended his lack of judgement and I would have somehow been at fault for not looking both ways as I exited the business and looked for a bicycle on the sidewalk coming at me. My poor judgement would have been the reason I left some of my DNA in the cobblestones. Gotta love the lawyers! Most of them were defense attorneys. I am just glad I am nimble on my feet!

As you see I have a disdain for the legal profession. I think it has become more deep seeded of late. I have been observing how the system seems to backfire on those of us who do the right thing. It comes down to money. We have a problem in our community that involves a “wink and a nod.” I’m sure it’s a common practice throughout the country. To be quite frank, most of the cases are decided on the golf course or within the local country club. The attorneys and the judges all know each other. They throw a few back or play a few holes and the next day they go into the courtroom and play out the charade. It is a well known secret here and I find it so unethical.

When it comes to attorneys, I wonder if they are the second oldest profession…just a thought.

So many attorneys feel they are smarter than the rest of us. They tote their law degree and look down their noses at the rest of us. They know that we can’t do anything legally without their help. I have tried but all of it requires an attorney and their connections. I have been caught up in a situation that requires me to go back to court and file a petition against my ex for contempt of the parenting plan not to mention the divorce decree itself. My biggest concern is my child. Do you think I can find an attorney to help me? NO! They want big bucks. I don’t have that. I have a dead beat dad to deal with who is abusive as well. Yet I have to be the one to file against him. I have tried to find a PRO BONO attorney. No such luck. These blood suckers are too worried about their cars and fancy homes. It would be beneath them to help a small child and his mother find justice. Instead they defend drunk drivers, killers, pedophiles and the like. Gee thanks! My dislike of these blood suckers grows daily.

I look at my child each day and see what he has to go without and know that we are being mistreated not only by his father but by the legal system. If you don’t have the cash you can’t buy the justice. Nice. I have contacted legal aid and they won’t touch my case as there is a divorce decree and a standing parenting plan. They have told me to try and find a PRO BONO attorney. What a crock!

My rant against the legal profession is over for now. On to a much lighter subject…

Mr. Bob has given me moments of great laughs. His biggest frustration of late has been his son’s inability to use punctuation. Now this also includes Bob Jr’s not putting an aprostrophe in the name Lowe’s as he writes a check. Now his reasoning is somewhat complicated and very argumentative. He feels his son is recreating the English language and doing things his own way. Truth be told, he is on a time limit and he misses the little details that really don’t mean too much. But Mr. Bob in his infinite desire to create an argument will do so and therefore we all sit around as he rants. It’s good stuff. I have to suppress a smile or just get up and walk to the other side of the office. He really is an unwilling comedian and yes I think alot of him. But he is funny! Just don’t want to ever be on his bad side. Bob Jr. just sits there and lets him go. He has health problems. Heart, diabetes and had a couple of strokes. He has learned not to get upset over what his father has to say anymore.

I have also made a decision this week regarding the discipline of my 6 year old. My son is all boy and seems impervious to most forms of discipline. So I have incorporated fitness into his new behavior modification. I found that this has a calming effect not only on him but on me. He has his 1 lb weights and we do push ups, upper body and cardio. He actually gets a kick out of it and he is worn out by the time I get done with him. We are both laughing by the time our workout session is over that not only is all forgiven, a lession learned, but we are stronger. That kid has some muscles!

My slow pitch game went great…it was rained out! HA HA HA

I am going to leave out my political opinion this week as I am doing some research and will have more to add regarding the subject next week. Those of you who keep up with me on VAJoe know how I feel but of course I will reiterate on my blog as I see fit. I have much more to say on the subject so will have to see how this week goes with the canidates and all those the rest in D.C. I’m sure a week will make a difference.

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My week has been busy and full of several annoyances. I have been the jack of all trades at work and in the process have gotten to know my boss a bit better. He is quite a character and for being nearly 85, is very active. For as active as he is, he can’t get past the fact that he is losing his hearing. He refuses to get hearing aids of which he can afford. It is a vanity issue and maybe even denial. As a result I have been the cause of much frustration for him. He became angry over an issue totally unrelated to me involving his SUV and started going into a rampage over other issues. According to his son who is the office manager, he started in on my voice and the fact he can’t hear me. I heard about it once the son returned to the office. I was upset. I told him how I felt. Sure felt good letting it out! He said not to worry about it as his father does this sort of thing all the time. So when Mr. Bob returned to the office, I had cooled off and all was well. It is the craziest thing.He acted as if nothing was wrong.He was all smiles.

Here is his problem…It seems I talk too fast and too high. I am a Northerner AND a woman. That is a perfect explanation for the pitch of my voice and speech pattern. But Mr. Bob will have it his way. I must change! Nevermind he is the only one who can’t hear me! He feels I need to talk slower and lower my voice. I fail to see the logic in this as that may require more effort on my part than I am able to put forth. I know that he can improve his hearing by purchasing the proper devices therefore allowing me to retain my identity. I am in a bind here. It is in the best interest in my job security I do make the attempt to talk to him slowly and use my Army voice. This seems to please him thus far. Go figure!

Mr. Bob is use to getting things his way. I say all of this with the deepest respect for the man. He is tough and a bit ragged around the edges but when you get past all of that he is a very kind and generous man. If you work and prove yourself, he will respect and treat you accordingly. He comes from the “old school.” He is a West Point “Ring Knocker.” He is very proud of that ring. The ring has a long tradition. He will knock it on the table when discussing this ring or West Point. I don’t flinch anymore. He was a Captain during the occupation of Japan. He dealt with the war criminals and he has some great stories. I love hearing about his experiences.

I played slow pitch Thursday night. I am not a great player as I am new but I have a good eye and can hit the ball. That is half the battle. My 6 year old is proud of me and tells me that I am doing a great job! How great it is to get a compliment from your child. He sits there and watches me. He grins from ear to ear and I can tell he is happy to see his mom out there playing a game. It really has built a bigger bond between us. It is funny how a simple game can actually change one’s life. It has in so many ways. I have stepped out of the box. I am so out of my comfort zone on this one. Not in a million years would I have ever signed up for this game on my own.I did it as a favor to a friend. They were short of players. I am not a shy person but I get nervous each time I head to the field. All I can do is my best. The heckling of the other side doesn’t help! We all heckle each other so I just grin and give the pitcher a big smile. I have started telling the pitcher where to put the ball. Sort of throws her off. Whatever it takes! We all have so much fun.

We played 3 games Thursday and lost only 1. I don’t feel too bad. The team that beat us were full of real brutes. I would have been surprised if we had won. The next team was worse than us. They actually asked us to pretend to try as the team they played before us just stood there and they still got stomped. As it turned out the game was called as we stomped them too but without so much pain. We actually played a game and there were some good plays.

The last game was actually a disputed game from a couple of weeks ago. It was getting late and we were all tired. We ultimately won and so our evening turned out pretty good. I left the field already dreading next week…

Now for the biggest annoyance of the week…Barack Obama.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the current political situation. I will keep this short. I could go on and on. I have been keeping a close eye on things and do not like what I am seeing. I have a big problem with Obama campaigning in Europe and the Middle East for the presidency of the United States.That is what he is doing. He is no JFK or Ronald Reagan. They were already presidents when they went overseas and spoke to the crowds. I don’t think having the Germans, the Brits, the French and all the rest of the world endorsing of Obama is going over real well here at home. I find it very disturbing and my distrust of him is growing if that is even possible. I have never trusted him.

I am still looking for McCain to step up to the plate and use a louder voice. He is acting so meek. Where ARE his gonads? He is letting Obama run all over him. Time is running out. So many are willing to believe Obama yet what does he really stand for? He keeps using the word “change.” Change can mean so many things. I don’t think I will like his brand of change.

His stump speeches all over Europe and the Middle East should be a wake up call to ALL of us in this country. He also slammed America in a sly use of words. Listen to them. He is a slick talker. He puts Bill Clinton to shame. I wonder how many have caught it. I don’t want the whole world to love America. I know that some in this country do. But if we are going to pander to every country we are giving up our strength as a nation and we will soon be nothing more than a weak second rate country that isn’t going to be taken seriously. His policies will turn us into an extension of Europe. I don’t want that. Do you? Our founding fathers created this great nation in order to be independent from England. We can’t go back. They had good reason to create the Declaration Of Indepence and to fight the Revolutionary War. Now all I see is a man who want to tear down walls and make each country equal. This will turn the world into chaos. He is so absolutely clueless or is he? I think he knows exactly what he is doing. That is the scarey part.

He did not visit the wounded service members because he did not want to go without the press. His workout was more important. If he really cared he would have gone to the Landstuhl hospital privately on the directives given him. He is not Commander in Chief material.

This election year has been the most worrisome and annoying for me and I am sure most of you feel the same. We all have to participate. Sitting around and waiting to see what happens won’t cut it this time.

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This week has been hectic and I have been battling a case of poison ivy. My son won’t stay out of the weeds. I bought some highly toxic poison ivy killer at the local mega store and will be out destroying the follage this weekend.

I had a slow pitch game and of course I was not sure if I should take my child with me to the field. I tried to call the coach and my teammate to let them know what was happening. I did not want to have him spreading any rash around. I finally get in touch with my coach and because I did not show up they forfeited the game. I told her what was happening with my son and she said to bring him to the next game. They needed me. My son, in his infinite wisdom said, “Mom, you can’t let the team down!” I agreed with him. We made it to the field and I played my game. I was the only one who called to let them know the situation and see if I should even show up. Turns out I wasn’t the reason for the forfeited game entirely. Turns out there were 3 other team members who either failed to call and show or called at the 11th hour from out of state to say they would not be there.

This brings me to my point. We as a nation are a team aren’t we? If one of us says we aren’t going to vote then we are letting down the team. We don’t have to be on the same team. For instance, at the end of each game we all come together, high five each other and say “good game.” Why is it that we can’t realize that as a voter we have the same opportunity to be on a team? The responsibility to show up and play the game through even if we don’t like the score. The ability to be a good winner and an even better loser.

We did not win that game Thursday night. But that was okay. We have a great time. We laughed and encouraged each other. We joke with the other team and have a good laugh with them. Aren’t there many parallels in a team sport and being an American citizen? We are the team that makes up this country. It takes more than one team to play a game doesn’t it? This is not solitaire. We have to work together and at times be adversaries in the political arena.

How many have died for this right that some take so lightly? How many have died trying to bring these very same rights that we sometimes take for granted to their own countries? Why do so many take our right to vote for granted? Have we become that jaded and cynical? We all have to participate. We all must vote and have our voices heard. I don’t care what party you belong to. Vote! We have to individually be a part the process. If I don’t vote because I am going to rely on the next guy to show up, then I am failing myself, my children and my country.

We set the bar for those who come after us. I take my children with me when I vote and they push the very last button for me. This year my youngest will go with me. He is a team player. He already understands the concept at his young age. I don’t want him to forget this and will take him every time I vote no matter what the election is for. His future depends on me. Our future depends on Us. All of us.

So the next time you complain about the canidates and our lack of good choices just remember that at least we have a choice. Keep in mind your children and grandchildren learn from what they see, hear and experience. Teach them well.

We are all in the end on the same team…just with different opinions.

Don’t let your team down!

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I have a confession to make. I have been withholding some information from all of you. Mostly out of shame and also out of fear of what you would think of me.

Here it is…I am on a slow pitch team! I did not post or blog about this as I haven’t played softball since I was a kid and I was not too talented. I was roped in by my friend who was looking for warm bodies to fill in the lineup and stand in the outfield. I fit the bill. I went to my first practice Monday and I had my concerns as I am sure the coach and her husband did as I drove off into the sunset. I prayed for rain on Thursday. No such luck. It passed right by us!

I just got home from the game and I would be lying if I did not say that I was giddy with excitement! I surprised myself, the coach and her husband. Seems I work better under fire. Who knew? I did not strike out. Managed to hit the ball even. Made all base hits but that is good. I did get tagged at first one time so that is cool. Sad thing was we were playing with Barbie girls. They would squeal when the ball came their way, when they missed it and just for the heck of it. I had a blast! I was laughing at them. Had to feel bad for them. They made me look like a good player.

Of course it is appropriate that I am a “right” fielder. Sort of just happened but it is ironic. I have worked on my throwing as I normally throw like a girl. Now I have more of an arm. I did buy a kettlebell and a DVD so will train with it and get even stronger.

When I was in the Army, I about got the instructor and myself killed on the grenade range. I TOLD him I could not throw. I had eyes chalked on my helmet from peeking after I threw a smoke grenade. They(DI’s) were kidding me all day. The instructor got in my face and told me to pull the pin…OMG! I did and froze. Sort of like a booby trapped deer in headlights. Well I “threw” the grenade and before you knew it I had this hunky man in a flak vest laying on top of me in the dirt. I was actually eating the dirt. The romance was short lived though. Talk about speed dating! He was not too happy with me. WELL…I did warn him! I hauled out of his AO and sat in the corner somewhere with my kevlar helmet and chalk drawn eyes feeling the pain of defeat and the victory of being alive after all of that. That was the only bad day I had in basic…it was also about my last day on earth.

Now I am throwing balls and playing a sport I never thought I could. What a confidence builder. I have to say going to the range and shooting may have helped my aim with the bat. There could be something to that. I am now looking forward to next Thursday.

This week has flown by and I have so much I would like to say. My biggest concern is the current state of affairs our country finds itself in.

I will start with Obama and the whole Jesse Jackson issue. I wonder how long Obama can keep looking good and all those around him fall apart. I am not sure Jackson knew he had a “hot” mike but you would think after all these years in the public spotlight he would expect it to be on. I would and I am not a public figure.

I did get a good laugh about it. He was very expressive. Love that little move and grunt he made as if to demostrate his technique in the neutering of the Obama. I look at it as an analogy in a way. Obama has to be “neutered” politically somehow or we will find our country in a situation never before imagined. I am not a chicken little but I, along with many others, have many fears about the future of this country if he becomes president.

It is as if he is made of teflon and is a liberal media darling. There is something amiss here and it is only a matter of time before it comes out. I just wish Senator John McCain would grow a bigger pair. He HAS them. He needs to use them. Now is the time for that fiery temper of his to come out and be channelled in a positive way. He needs to expose the Obama. Who is advising him? Are they telling him not to show his anger? Well I think now is the time he needs to use some of his anger. He is not the best choice by any means but he is the only choice we have. As I have stated before he needs to find a good running mate who has the economic background to start pulling this country out of the financial mess it is in.

Sometimes though I think we as Americans listen too much to the Fed and all the financial bull they have to say. We react and the stock market is affected by these emotions. Economic PMS. Many sell off their shares of stock that they feel are at risk. Why not stand firm and see what happens. It is amazing how we have become a fast food, immediate gratification nation. Nothing is about take your time and smell the roses. This shows in the way the market is reacting on a daily basis.

It has been said that many who have come to the end of their lives never say I wish I had worked harder. Many wish they had loved more and spent more time with their families. Why can’t we sacrifice a little bit? Take the time to get to know those you love and not worry about the almighty dollar. Seems it isn’t so almighty at the moment. Wouldn’t it be ironic that when we stop stressing out about money and relax a bit, the economy levels out?

I am a true Capitalist in ever sense of the word but there comes a time when it rules us. Why not rule it? We have control of our own destiny as a nation. I stress about money or the lack thereof myself. I am tired of it. It makes me sick to my stomach. I am going to liberate myself.

If a segment of our society thinks the Obama has all the answers then they will regret their vote. His honeymoon period will end and he will make the former President Jimmy Carter look like a hero and one of our greatest Presidents. We can’t let it get that far.

I have to close with a goodbye to a man i will never know. I am saddened that Tony Snow passed Saturday, July 12, 2008 at the young age of 53. He fought hard and I always found him fun and interesting to watch. He could work the press. Gotta love that! He was funny and hard hitting. He knew his stuff and loved his family.

Tony leaves us all a reminder to get checked for colon cancer and never take life for granted. Money is nothing if you don’t have those you love around you. Many lose loved ones every day and understand the pain his family is feeling. His death from cancer was so public. I guess I along with so many others feel as if we lost a family member in a way.

My prayers are with his wife and children.

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I have been on a bit of a learning curve this week with lawn impliments. I am battling the 4 stroke weed eater and so far I have won with only minor injuries suffered. I thought that it would be pretty easy as far as using it for more than 2 or 3 hours. What could go wrong? Well if you factor in the weight of the machine even with a shoulder strap, the heat and the fact that when using this machine along a rocky drive way, (one can become the target of many rocks) it can be a bit of a bear at times to deal with. I have safety glasses and jeans etc…Men should wear cups if you know what I mean! I have actually bled when the rocks hit my legs and arms. The lawnmower is not much better but so far it hasn’t caused me any harm unless you consider being bored to tears a work related injury. I will be laboring away in the lovely Tennesse heat until this fall. I go back to school and will be working in an office.

From this Hellish experience I have discovered I can whip out a pretty good yard and can take the heat. In the end I feel as if I have conquered something…don’t ask what just yet as I am still trying to figure that one out! The heat and hilly 7.5 acres have become some sort of metaphor. That is all I can say at this point. More to follow on this subject.

I do think that as a single mom I have a need to show my son that his mom is working hard and making it. For the both of us. He is still a kid but he is starting to get it. Maybe that is why when at the end of the day I am satisfied that I did something even if some may not consider it glamorous and fun. I get dirty. Very dirty. I smell like sunscreen and Deep Woods Off. I suppose that can be an attractive look and smell…not really!

Nothing is free in this world. Not even the government programs. Someone pays. That is why I am working. I don’t want to be one of those who would rather sit around and watch the world go by. I will not be one of those individuals who gets fat and complains that nothing is fair and wonders why they are getting the short end of the stick. I HAVE the stick! I OWN it and I am swinging it. I control what I do. I do not answer to DHS and other government programs. I will live on peanut butter and hotdogs if I have to before I take anything from the government in the form of a handout. That is just me. I have a goal. I will be finished with my school in November.

It go to the local Wal Mart and hate going. I put it off until the milk, bread and orange juice is gone. Then one must take the dreaded journey. First let me state that as I go through the parking lot to find the farthest possible spot, there are others who will actually drive around for 10 minutes trying to get as close to the handicap spot as possible! They should have parked in the back forty. But they have a goal too. One day they will be parking in the handicap spot themselves. Not because they couldn’t prevent it but because they neglected themselves. Is it really that difficult for some of these people to walk a few extra feet and put forth the effort to get some exercise? I think not! They gladly walk through the chips and candy isle. Hope I haven’t offended anyone but if I have struck a cord with someone, just start parking a bit further away from the entrance and walk a bit further to the store. It will surprise some how much they really need to walk. It is the best exercise and almost everyone can do it unless they suffer from an illness that absolutely prevents it.

Speaking of health and fitness I have to discuss the gym that I attend and how I feel about the gym system overall. I have gone to the YMCA for over 2 years. I don’t run with the crowd and do my own thing but have been observing the “desperate” wives club in action over the last few months. Even the staff call them this. They have all the connections, the rich husbands and plastic surgeons on speed dial. It is rather hilarious actually. I laugh at them for the most part but also find them annoying overall. They take up space and get in the way. Part of the problem is that their hubbies have made big donations to the Y so they have the run of the place.

Lately I have found myself and my son caught up in some of their petty drama. I have considered all of the possibilities and have come to this conclusions. I may be wrong but don’t really think so. Call it my sarcastic and cynical view of the world…

They have the BMWs, Mercedes, Lexus SUVs etc…Their nails are done each week as is their hair. They have the best of the best in everything. Their homes are near the country club or in an exclusive gated neighborhood. They are “better” than the rest of us. But I don’t think so.

Here’s the rub… I believe they live in continual fear. Fear that they will loose it all. Fear that their husbands aren’t doing the right thing. You know what I mean. Fear that their homes are really guilded cages and the cars and all that they have are just a way of keeping them happy. Many are looking the other way in order to maintain the lifestyle to which they have become accustom to. I am a reminder of how marriage can go from being good one day and going terribly wrong the next. I am also a stark reminder that they too may have to go out in the cold, cruel world and actually have to WORK! OMG! What is that? They have maids! Ha I smile as I type because I know most of them have never had to work hard and they would miss their beautiful nails. I was totally unprepared and I wasn’t rich to start with. So I am willing to work hard to pay survive.

My son is also being bullied by some of their children at the YMCA camp and in one incident 2 boys who were bigger than him ganged up on him. He is 6 years old. He was pushed by one boy and the other grabbed his arm. My son punched the boy who was restraining him. MY child was suspended for 3 days for hitting the boy. The other 2 were written up. Interesting. I have an issue with this. The staff even acknowledged that he was defending himself but they have a “no hitting” policy. Okay that makes no sense if it is in self defense and the staff who are actually just out of high school and immature in many ways were not able to assist my son. I am proud that my child defended himself BUT I did tell him that he had to “play” their game. That life is full of games. We may not agree with certain things but in order to get through life we have to play by certain rules. I talked to the camp director and told her that I don’t want a child who is complacent. One who will be bullied and will let someone grab him, kidnap him and do unimaginable things to him. I want my son to be willing to defend himself. Funny thing is she totally agreed with me. What? So now I am a bit confused by the whole matter. I don’t want him to bully others either. It is a fine line. He is learning to walk it.

Hypocrisy is alive and well at the YMCA though. Of course it is a Christian organization and I called them on it. I have a way of telling people what I think. This in no surprise to those who know me from my posts. I make no apologies for it. If I am right I stand up and take the hit. I will also acknowledge my mistakes as well. I know there are others who have complained about the summer program. I am the one willing to push it. When it comes to my children I will fight to the end. Messing with me is one thing, mess with my boys and there will be Hell to pay…

My boys will tell anyone I still have alot of army in me. I am not raising whiners. I give them lots of love and tough love also. My thinking on this is if they hurt themselves while playing and start crying about it, I will make sure nothing is broken and that they aren’t bleeding out. I will ask them their names, the day and how old they are. If they can give me this information I will tell them to get up and shake it off. Is that mean? Maybe, maybe not. But I am raising future MEN, not ballerinas. HA HA I also give hugs and kisses and tell them how much I love them. Nothing gets me more than a mom who goes running to little Johnny or who is crying after getting a little scrape in the knee and holding him. Kissing him and asking if his “boo boo” hurts him. Sure it hurts! There is blood and he is going to play it up and end up with a ice cream cone and a whiney streak a mile wide when he grows up. This goes for little girls as well. We are suppose to be the gentler sex but ladies we need to toughen up a bit! There is nothing wrong with strong boys AND girls. We as a nation are getting too soft. Our kids don’t know what it is like to shake things off anymore. They are into video games. They get carpal tunnel syndrome and suffer from obesity by the age of 11 or 12. I don’t own any video games. I refuse to. Go OUTSIDE and play!That’s what I did. Run, jump, ride your bike! I had a horse growing up but in town they may have an issue with my keeping one in the NEIGHborhood! LOL

I will talk to my kids after they get in trouble or hurt. We will talk about what happened and tell each other how much we love each other. I am doing the best I can and hope I don’t mess it up too bad. One day at a time is all anyone can do when it comes to our children. They are a handful afterall.

Last night was the 4th of July and I took my son out for a little drive to see the fireworks. I don’t like driving along the road in the neighborhoods. Last night there were actually people setting up their bottle rockets etc…along the road and setting off as cars passed by. I had to roll up the windows. Pretty scarey stuff considering we had an incident last week or so where a mother and your young son were in their truck waiting for someone and a group of teenagers ran up to her truck, lit a bottle rocket and she and her child were injured and the truck was a total loss. The boy is fine as his injuries were minor but his mom is still at the burn unit at Vanderbilt in Nashville, Tn with 2nd and 3rd degree burns. Charges are pending. I hope they catch these punks.

Last but not least, I am going to throw in my 2 cents over the recent events in the political arena.

I was appalled by Wesley Clark’s statements regarding John McCain’s service to this country and the fact that it doesn’t qualify him to be president. Well Mr. Clark, you were relieved from your position as the SACEUR commander for an incident or a combination of incidents weren’t you? Was this a planned attack on McCain and Obama was part of the plan. He would come out and discredit Clark? This way Obama looks more diplomatic and the “peacemaker?” But in private he gave Clark a fist bump? Hmmmmmm I can’t believe Clark is still hanging around and running his mouth as he does.

There is that little matter of the Pristina International Airport shortly after the end of the Kosovo War. While Clark was the commanding SACEUR he ordered the British commanding General Mike Jackson to take the airport as the Russians were enroute. He ordered the British General to use force. General Mike Jackson refused to start WWIII for him. Not long afterwards Clark’s career came to an end and he was basically forced out of the military. So this man has nothing to say about the character of John McCain’s service to this country nor his time as a POW. McCain’s credentials for president are not merely his service in the military but his time as a public servant. I may not always agree with him but Obama just plain scares me.

I am hoping Senator McCain makes a good VP choice. One who has a strong economic background. That is what this country needs. Hope…

Hope you all had a Happy 4th of July and enjoy your INDENDENCE! It comes at a price but is worth the cost.

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