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#1 2009-10-29 02:38:37
- ptapti27
- New Member
- Registered: 2009-10-29
- Posts: 5
i'm having the hardest time with my husband. we have been married for 4 months now and he was ignoring me until he said he wants a divorce. i've heard of guys getting iffy before a deployment but he's being truely ridiculous. He says he can't/doesnt want to love me anymore. He has also pretty much cut off his family and says he doesnt want the responsibility of helping me out financially anymore either. Another thing he said that he wants a divorce over is that he never going to get to see me and having kids would be pointless because he'll never be there. I told him he's going to eventually end up leading a very lonely life and i'm not letting him do this alone. I understand where he's coming from, but i took the plunge knowing it was going to be hard. I'm pretty sure he knew but didnt know the extent of it. if anyone has some words of wisdom i'd appreciate it!
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#2 2009-10-29 09:37:11
- Alphabet87
- Executive Member
- Registered: 2007-12-15
- Posts: 1151
- Website
I would look into marraige counseling. Esspecially with a military chaplain. They will be able to help you both work out your issues. Im sorry your going through this but dont just ignore it. Get help!
Happily married to the man of my dreams who happens to also be my hero. I love my life as a Marine Wife!
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Some of my closest friends, I have never met in person.
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#3 2009-10-29 09:46:38
- ArmyWife4805
- Member
- Registered: 2007-01-06
- Posts: 34
Yeah I would definitely say go talk to someone. There are places on base that will help you in these kinds of situations. Maybe your husband will open up more if there is a 3rd party involved and there to help. Just like Alphabet87 said: dont just ignore this!
"Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives"
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#4 2009-10-29 10:33:32
- MarineAuntie
- Supreme Member
- Registered: 2008-05-22
- Posts: 3102
A number of people on this site have written about how some soldiers start withdrawing from their families when they face deployment. They're afraid of harming those who wait for them, so solve the problem by cutting off their links back to the world. I'll leave it for those members to address this, but what you describe is not unusual. It's directly related to his deployment. Have you talked to the chaplain for his unit?
Sir Thomas More: What would you do? Cut ... through the law to get after the Devil?
William Roper: Yes, I'd cut down every law in England to do that!
Sir Thomas More: Oh? And when the last law was down, and the Devil turned 'round on you, where would you hide, Roper, the laws all being flat? ... [D]o you really think you could stand upright in the winds that would blow then? Yes, I'd give the Devil benefit of law, for my own safety's sake!
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#5 2009-10-29 11:43:25
- ptapti27
- New Member
- Registered: 2009-10-29
- Posts: 5
i'd definately look into conseling but hes in 29 Palms and i'm in Chicago. Another thing is i've done a little research, can't he get in big trouble if he hasnt been sending me BAH ? A divorce would only bring that out and i heard it looks horrible on his record. Honestly i know where his head is and i know he loves me more than he thinks. i really thought the distance was going to take the biggest toll on me but i guess not. if he was to file for divorce because he claims he never loved me wouldnt it look like fraud to the military? also if he really desires it can't he get a divorce while over seas without my consent?
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#6 2009-10-29 13:41:10
Military One Source is another option for counseling. They do free sessions and can do it over the phone or internet.
They can be reached here: 1.800.342.9647
http://www.militaryonesource.com/
They may have some suggestions as well about the long distance counseling. I would encourage him to talk to his command &/or chaplain at 29 Palms.
You may also want to check into CREDO: http://www.usmc-mccs.org/credo/?sid=fl
My God given duty as a mother is to defend and to nurture.
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#7 2009-10-29 17:54:28
I do not want to give you any legal advice, because I'm not qualified to do so. If you want to know what you're entitled do, what your rights are, etc. your best bet is to talk to a lawyer who specialized in military divorce.
If you are married but not living together and he is not supporting you (i.e. BAH), you can contact his command to resolve this.
If you want to work things out, talk to him. Talk to a chaplain. And I ABSOLUTELY recommend contacting militaryonesource. I've always been an advocate because I've heard how much it has benefited others, but recently I have used their resources myself and I can't tell you what a relief it has been.
~*~*~Jill~*~*~*
Proud Army Wife, Proud Mom of 3
" When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is about the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it." ~~Dr. Adrian Rogers (1931-2005)
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#8 2009-11-06 21:43:40
#9 2009-11-07 16:43:46
- Garrysr
- Moderator
- Registered: 2007-10-07
if you know his unit, you should be able to find a way to contact them from this website. http://www.29palms.usmc.mil/
"I take pride in what I do and it doesn't matter who it is helping as long as it helps, if only a little."
Fallen soldier quote, inscribed on the War on Terror memorial at the Iowa Veterans Cemetery.
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#10 2009-11-07 20:26:31
- charlie4boy
- Master Member
- Registered: 2006-06-02
- Posts: 870
Some people when faceing deployment want to block every thing out....They dnt want you to have to worry about them while they are at war.....They for a better word want to break all ties...They want no one to worry about them...Like going over single, its not like he wants to be free to date some one else..He just wants to cut all ties with the state side world.....
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