Military Humor

Military Jokes

Pages of military jokes submitted by AllMilitary members. Submit a joke with a military theme. If Joe likes your joke, he'll post it here. 

Page: 27

Wash Your Hands

A Marine private and an Army private went to lunch. They go to the head and after they finish the marine washes his hands. The Army private starts to walk out, and the marine ask him if he is going to wash his hands, to which the Army private says, "No, they teach us not to pee on our hands."

Submitted by furrylong.

Marines vs. Army

MARINES really stands for:

Muscles Are Required Intelligence Not Essential

Submitted by USarmy08

Want to know what Army stands for?????

Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet

Refueling in Thule

January - The military airlift command liner landed in Thule, Greenland, for refueling and servicing. The passengers filed into the terminal and the ground crew refueled, cleaned, restocked, and inspected the aircraft, except for the evacuation of the honey tanks [empty the toilet tanks].

Finally, 45 minutes after the designated liftoff time, an Airman pulled up with the tank wagon and calmly started pumping out the tanks.

The aircraft Commander came charging out. He saw that the Airman was wearing a dirty uniform, was unshaven, needed a haircut, and wore filthy boots. The Commander went ballistic chewing out the Airman and ended with "You are in a lot of trouble, Mister."

The Airman responded: "Sir, I am an E-1 in Thule Greenland in January and I'm pumping s***. What are you going to do to me?"

Submitted by ProfJohn

Apprehensive

Prior to a night jump, a sergeant sat down next to a lieutenant fresh from jump school.  The lieutenant looked a bit pale so the sergeant struck up a conversation.

"Scared, Lieutenant?" the sergeant asked.

"No, just a bit apprehensive" he replied.

"What's the difference?" the sergeant asked.

The lieutenant replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

Submitted by juzwant2play