Military Humor

Military Jokes

Pages of military jokes submitted by AllMilitary members. Submit a joke with a military theme. If Joe likes your joke, he'll post it here. 

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Golfing at Fort Richardson Alaska

The Fort Richardson Golf Club is advising golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while playing on the Fort Richardson Golf Course.

They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices, such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not to startle the bears unexpectedly.

They also advise you to carry pepper spray in the case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity.

Golfers should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings on the golf course. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

Submitted by jackie901

Can't Take That Chance

A retired military couple, one an Air Force Lt. Colonel and his ever-nagging wife, a Navy Capitan, were vacationing in the holy land. While there, the wife died. The undertaker told the colonel, you can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can have her buried here in the holy land for just $150.

The colonel thought about it and decided to just have her shipped home. Astonished, the undertaker asked why he would pay $5,000 to ship her home when most would jump at the chance to be buried in the holy land and it would only be $150.

The colonel replied, "True, but long ago you buried a man here and three days later he rose from the dead. I'm afraid I just can't take that chance. ..."

 Submitted by Ramrod947

CIA Test

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. 

After all the background check, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This damn gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the freaking chair."

Submitted by Revrac66 

Reserved Parking

Reservists like myself always had a hard time parking on base, as most spaces were set aside for the brass. My wife never had this problem. I finally found out why after she drove me to the PX and parked in a space marked "Reserved."

 "See?" she said. "Just look at all the spaces they've set aside for you Reserves."

Submitted by tymescape