Military Humor

Military Jokes

Pages of military jokes submitted by AllMilitary members. Submit a joke with a military theme. If Joe likes your joke, he'll post it here. 

Page: 15

Two-Ply

Military cost-cutting has hit everything, including toilet paper. Only the cheapest graces our latrines. So when a couple of boxes filled with the good stuff -- two-ply tissue! -- fell in our laps, it was like manna from heaven.

 But the next morning, our behinds were brought down to earth. It was all a mistake. The boxes had been intended for the officers club.

 "I should have known," grumbled the supply sergeant. "Our officers demand everything in duplicate!"

Submitted by tymescape

Uniforms

While attending classes on military tradition, I was asked if I was

aware of the origin of the British traditional red coats.

When I admitted that I had no idea why they would wear red coats, the instructor explained that it was for troop morale. When someone was wounded, the blood would not show and scare the other soldiers.

He was not amused when I said, Oh, using the same principle, I now umderstand why all French umiforms come with brown or tan trousers.

Speaking English

U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.

At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.

He then asked: "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

Submitted by Revrac66

The Kiss

Four people are riding in a small passenger car compartment on a long train ride cross country. On one seat, a young, beautiful lady sits next to her grandmother. Across from them, an Army general sits next to his young lieutenant.

The train enters a long, dark tunnel. Suddenly, in the darkness, there is the sound of a kiss followed by a slap! The train exits the tunnel and the four people in the passenger compartment look at each other. Without saying a word, each of them thinks they know what has just happened.

The young lady is surprised, but very happy that the young lieutenant waited for an appropriate moment to kiss her, but she can't understand why her grandmother slapped him.

The grandmother is shocked that the young lieutenant would try to kiss her granddaughter, but she is happy that her granddaughter slapped him.

The General was pleased that his young lieutenant had waited for an appropriate moment to kiss the young lady because he could see they liked each other. However, he couldn't understand why the grandmother had slapped him.

Meanwhile, the young lieutenant sat in his seat, feeling very good about himself. Not only had he found a way to kiss the pretty young lady sitting across from him, but he had also managed to slap his general at the same time!

Submitted by juzwant2play