Military Humor

Military Jokes

Pages of military jokes submitted by AllMilitary members. Submit a joke with a military theme. If Joe likes your joke, he'll post it here. 

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Retired From the Military

Tom retired in his early 50s and started a second career.

However, even though he loved his new job, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker and really sharp, so his boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, one day, his boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Tom, I must tell you, I truly like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but being late for work nearly every day is quite annoying to me as well as your fellow workers."

Tom replied, "Yes, sir, I know. I'm sorry, but I am working on it."

"That's what I like to hear," his boss said. "However, the fact that you consistently come to work late does puzzle me, because I understand that you retired from the United States Air Force, and they have some pretty rigid rules about tardiness. Isn't that correct?"

"Yes. I did retire from the Air Force, and I'm mighty proud of it!" said Tom.

"Well, what did they say when you came in late?" asked his boss.

"They said, 'Good morning, General.'"

Submitted by Hollis

Marine Pilot Humor

My friend, an ex-Marine aviator, wanted to show off his new twin-engine plane. I was riding along as he put it through its paces. Suddenly, we were caught in a violent thunderstorm, with lightning crashing all around us.

Next, we lost the radio and most of the instruments.

As we were being tossed around in the sky, George said, "Uh-oh!" Fearing the worst, I asked, "What's wrong now?"

George replied, "I got the hiccups. Do something to scare me."

Submitted by rufnekqueen

Five Most Dangerous Things in the Army

1. A private saying, "I learned this in Basic..."

2. A sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."

3. A second lieutenant saying, "Based upon my experience..."

4. A captain saying, "I was just thinking..."

5. A warrant officer chuckling, "Watch this $#!+..."

Submitted by juzwant2play

How Many Colonels ...

Question: How many Colonel's does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Two. One to make the Martini's the other to call Civil Engineers!

Submitted by mobl1@hotmail.com