Well, it’s happened again. We’ve come to the end of the CD. And now we go through it all again.

Either I’m on to something, or that little leprechaun I trust to provide me with my early-day nourishment has steered me wrong again. Lucky charms, my a**. So I came upon this insightful insight as I was half awake, eye’s glazed over, spoon in hand, sifting through my bowl of delectable marshmallow morning goodness. I lifted my head up, grabbed for the box, and proceeded to complete the maze, which is located on the back of the box, in my head, for about the up-tenth time. And why is that? For some reason, no matter our race, gender, or age, there is some law of physics that states that while we are eating breakfast, we will invariably be drawn into completing whatever asinine, juvenile task is pictured on the back of the cereal box from which we eat. There is just some Death Star-like force field that draws us in and while we are impervious to the fact that it is happening, we are hopeless to stop it. Whether it is a word search, hunt-and-find, crossword puzzle, maze, or matching game, we will inevitably complete the early morning diversion, no matter how many times we have done so in the past.

So right now, you’re probably asking yourself just what the hell does this have to do with football? Well hear me out. The NFL is cyclical. Teams have their runs, then get gradually worse because of a combination of drafting poorly and late in rounds, their coordinators are picked off by bad teams looking to get better, their free agents are highly sought after and teams with cap room make enormous offers that the players original team just can’t match. The team either gets gradually worse each season (see: St. Louis Rams) or have a couple of good years and then wake up one season and decide to suck (see: Oakland Raiders). The point is, we know how it will play out, we just don’t know when.

The point is, your team’s destiny is just like that CD you’re always listening to or that mundane game you play on the back of a cereal box each morning. You follow along, know what’s coming next, then start all over. Either the next day when you get up to eat, or the next time you pop in the CD. Maybe the next song will be a new one you haven’t heard, and maybe you’ll find a different way to get Timmy the Turtle through the Maze of Golden Enchantment. But you won’t. It’s the same old cycle, and you know what’s coming.

For me, I know what’s happened. It’s 1996 all over again. The Rams suck. Cowboys and Pack are good. As much as I hate it, I guess I have to accept it. Then again, it won’t be that long ‘til the next Kurt Warner comes to save us from abomination.

Or at least I can hope.

On to the picks… (Home team in CAPS)

Ravens over BROWNS
Baltimore has struggled and could very well be 0-3. Cleveland on the other hand has looked good recently, beating the Bengals and coming one ice-kicker timeout away from beating the Raiders. Plus, the Brownies are at home. I wish I had the guts, but I’m gonna play it safe.

Bears over LIONS
Someone tell Detroit that you’re not going to be a winning football team if you totally neglect the defensive side of the ball. I guess they should’ve thought about that when they were drafting all there wide receivers. Where are Charles Rogers and Mike Williams anyway?

Raiders over DOLPHINS
Raiders go 6-10 or 7-9 this year. I see them in the playoffs within the next two years.

Packers over VIKINGS
If I have to hear another story about how Green Bay is “America’s Team,"  I’m going to go bang my head against a plate-glass window for the next hour. Nonetheless, I’m kinda rooting for them.

Texans over FALCONS
This is assuming Andre Johnson is back. But I don’t really think it’s going to matter either way.

BILLS over Jets
You really didn’t think I could pick six straight road teams to win, did you?

COWBOYS over Rams
I can’t speak rationally about the Rams for more than five minutes without losing it. Absolute disappointment. I never thought it would come to this. We might once again be the laughing stock of the NFL. On the other hand, Dallas clearly looks like the class of the NFC.

PANTHERS over Bucs
Tampa Bay has looked good recently, but Carolina is solid at home. Steve Smith was quieted last week, so look for him to have a big game. Tampa’s O-Line is weak, so look for Peppers and Company to put pressure on Garica all game.

Seahawks over NINERS
San Francisco has the NFC’s worst offense and their best pass-catching threat (Vernon Davis) is out. Davis is also a tremendous run-blocking tight end, so Gore could struggle to find running room. Should be a close game, but Seattle is still the class of the NFC West, as much as it pains me to say it.

CHARGERS over Chiefs
Everyone is overreacting to San Diego’s poor opening start. Yes, they’re 1-2, but had to play the Bears, Patriots, and Packers, all of whom are looking like playoff teams. They’ll bounce back and right the ship. They’re simply too talented not to.

COLTS over Broncos
It’s going to be fun to watch Dre Bly and Champ Bailey go up against those Colt receivers. Addai is the key though. He’ll have a big day as I expect Indy to take a page out of the Steelers playbook and grind the ball out to open up the passing game.

Steelers over CARDINALS
If Kurt Warner was going to start, I’d take Arizona.

GIANTS over Eagles
The Eagles defense gives up a ton of yards, and the Giants offense looks pretty potent to start the season. Once again, this is pretty much a toss-up, so I’ll take the home team.

Patriots over BENGALS
They ARE going undefeated.

Last week: 10-6
Season: 31-17