AllMilitary.com

Good communication is vital for healthy relationships. Communicating can be a complicated and arduous at times, even in the best of marriages. Times of added stress increase the need for communication with a spouse or loved one. Talking things through allows us to gain a sense of reassurance and to garner a good understanding of where the other person is coming from.

Deployment is a definite time of increased stress. Whether you are anticipating deployment, currently have a deployed spouse or loved one, or are facing the stress of reintegrating your family after a long separation, you are in some form or phase of stress, anxiety and grief. The dilemma we face during this time of much needed communication is that the very thing we need becomes a very hard to come by commodity.

What can you do to ensure that the lines of communication stay open during deployment? Of course there is no magic formula, but there are ways to prepare before deployment occurs and things you can do to keep your hearts fond as you live through the time of absence.

Ÿ  If you are facing deployment now is the time to discuss the strain and stress of not being able to communicate. Now is the time to make some special memories. It’s hard to not let the stress turn the last few weeks before deployment into a time of disagreements and tears. Be very aware of your emotions. It’s good to express them, but if you are not aware of them you may be tempted to snip and react in ways you normally would not. Don’t live your last few weeks together before deployment in a way that you will regret when your soldier is deployed. It’s OK and necessary to be honest about the way you feel. Tell your spouses exactly how you are feeling, but do it in a way that facilitates conversation.

Ÿ  Be aware that your soldier may not be able to contact you much, or that the ability to call or chat online may vary depending on what he/she is doing, and where he is located.  Do not take the lack of contact personally. Even if some wives in your husband’s unit are getting more regular calls it does not mean that your husband has the same phone or computer availability. When your Soldier calls, take a deep breath and enjoy the time on the phone. Establish ahead of time what the parameters of conversation are. If you have something you really need to discuss that may be a little hard to discuss, ask him if it’s a good time. Find out when his day off will occur and see if you can talk about it on a day when he won’t be heading outside the wire. Be aware of his situation and stresses.

Ÿ  Rediscover the written word! Hand written letters carry a sense of personal care and attention that emails just do not have. Seeing your handwriting, smelling your favorite perfume on the paper, and having a picture or two tucked inside the envelope can be a very meaningful and touching item for someone who is in a combat zone. Ask your soldier to write back, and send him pre-stamped and addressed postcards if he is not normally one to write much of a letter. Sometimes getting a postcard that says “I love you and I am thinking of you today” can mean a lot to a wife who is waiting at home for a little communication.

Ÿ  Make a list of things you appreciate most about your spouse. These lists come particularly easy when you are missing him most. Keep a journal of things happening on the home front. Maybe there are headlines, marriages, births, new restaurants opening, etc. that you would normally chat to one another about before going to sleep at night. Write down some of the happenings in your area and in the family. It will give you a good outlet and it will be an interesting read for him when he comes home.

Ÿ  Reach out to other military wives, chaplains, supportive community and family members who can also help you during times when you are not able to talk hard things through with your Soldier. There is support out there, whether you are on a military base or not. Just know ahead of time who you can talk frankly with and trust.

Ÿ  Send special care packages. Sometimes the items in a care package can speak volumes to the soldier on the receiving end when it contains some of his favorite items embellished with your special touch. Care packages are known to boost the morale and communicate support.

Ÿ  Be creative in your medium! Think outside the mailbox! Video blogging is a very fun and informative way to send letters. If you have a camera that has video capability you can make very small videos talking to your Soldier from the kitchen table, outside with scenery he will recognize or at your child’s recital. Send the memory card to him (make sure he has a USB type memory stick that will read the card - test it before he deploys). If he is allowed to, he can do the same from where he is so you can see what his surroundings look like.

Remember that you will have times when you feel the need to talk and no one is there to talk to. Have a plan for times like that. What will you do? Who can you call at 3am when you have a nightmare? Can you journal? What else can you do? Deployment communication can sometimes mean jumping hurdles, but in the long run every talk, letter, chat, or note is worth it.